My planned interaction with the super bowl consisted of me playing Xbox all day and then looking up the Captain America trailer later that night. Which is more or less what I did.
Then the twitters were atwatter and the blogosphere was all bloggey.
Apparently, the "entertainment" they hired has never heard of "rehearsal", and as this is a blog that frequently focuses on the unintentionally hilarious, I feel obligated to sum up the day's events.
To start off, Christina Aguilera sang the National Anthem. She liked certain parts of that song SO MUCH she sang them twice. I realize that the national anthem is a long, complicated song that the average American has trouble singing. But Christina, you are not an average American. You are a professional singer.
Luckily, then came the halftime show, and everyone forgot her mistake. Remember the time they "accidentally" showed a saggy boob in the halftime show? This was a FAR BIGGER train wreck.
[EDIT: That was fast! The video of the halftime show I posted got pulled off youtube before I finished writing. Looks like most of them did. Good luck finding one if you want, or just read my review below and you will have missed NOTHING]
Watch the video, or read my shot for shot:
-The Black Eyed Peas are lowered down from space wearing Tron jumpsuits. But not actual tron jumpsuits, the kind your mom would make you when you were 8 and you told her you wanted to be "a tron" for Halloween. There's a string of lights taped to black clothing.
-They start singing "I've Gotta Feeling", which is a song I don't particularly like. Little did I know this would be the high point of the show. Also, they aren't singing in time with their backing track.
-Part way through the song, the four peas(Fergie, Wi.l.ia.m., derp.de.derp, and that other guy whos name nobody knows) take turns singing their various solos. When Fergie goes to sing hers, the sound guy forgets to turn on her mic. Fergie's rap also includes the line "I'm so 2008", which I would tend to agree with.
-The crowd of people "enjoying" the show seem far more choreographed than actual fans would be. It becomes clear later that these are just dancers paid to "like the show" in unison. And to their credit, far better dancers than the mooks on stage.
-Everyone gets one solo segment, except Fergie, who gets three.
-Slash inexplicably comes out of the stage and starts playing "Sweet Child of Mine" while Fergie sings. I never thought I'd say this, but I find myself wishing desperately it was Axl Rose singing instead.
-I also find myself wondering if it's more difficult to play guitar when the singer is straight up dry humping you the whole time, which is another problem we didn't have when Guns 'n' Roses were together.
-Third note about Slash: He's not wearing his signature Top Hat, but instead a bedazzled top hat to "match" the Tron motif they're sort of doing.
-Then Dick Dale's Misrilou comes on, and the Black Eyed Peas start yelling over it phrases such as "check it out" and "louder". Is this what passes for talent these days? Repeating phrase over other people music?
-What the hell is on W.il.li.a.m's head? It looks like he has a plastic shell to protect his hair from rain.
-Transition to "Lets Get It Started". There's a scene in Hot Tub Time Machine where a guy's band covers this song. That's sort of what this feels like, only the people covering this song in the movie had talent. Lets Get It Started is one of the few Black Eyed Peas songs I don't totally hate, but this version of it was abysmal.
-Usher comes on stage just to dance around.
-Usher jumps over .wi.ll..i.a..m's head and lands in the splits. Okay, I'll concede. That was kinda cool.
-The peas come back on to sing "Where is the Love". The stage has been reconfigured to be the shape of the word "Love", but part of the V is not lighting up so it looks like "Lol.E"
-In the middle of "Where is the Love", ..........william... changes the lyrics so it is now a song about how Obama's doing a bad job as president. News flash, dude: you're standing on a "lol.E" stage. You don't get to criticize anyone for doing poorly at their job.
-They start singing that "Time of my Life" song from "Dirty Dancing" only this time its v.vil.i.an.n singing it to Fergie. Josh Duhamel is going to be PISSED.
-All the backup dancers on stage put boxes on their heads. I was going to put a second sentence here with a joke, but the best joke I could come up with was "All the backup dancers put boxes on their heads." Seemed redundant.
-The "fans" on the field do some synchronized dancing that once again upstages the black eyed peas
-They sing "I've gotta feeling" AGAIN. It's a 12 minute set and they have so little material they have recycle from earlier in the show. This time there's box people though, so it's different, I guess.
The show ends with somebody saying "That was MEGA."
I disagree.
Monday, February 7, 2011
I Don't Know, I'm Not a Doctor: Serial 2 - The Daleks; Part 1 - The Dead Planet
First things first, if you want to watch along, the episode I'm reviewing is available from Amazon. Additionally, a lot of these old Doctor Who episodes are available on YouTube or on services such as Netflix. I encourage you to watch along with me and leave your thoughts in the comments!
Secondly, a big spoiler warning for anything I say after this sentence. I'm not sure if it's still common courtesy to put spoiler warnings on content that is almost 50 years old, but I'm going to air on the side of caution.
Disclaimers out of the way, lets watch some Who!
Serial 2: The Daleks
Part 1: The Dead Planet (1963)
Starring: Doctor 1 - William Hartnell
Quick recap: Doctor Who and his granddaughter Susan accidentally kidnap two of her teachers, Ian and Barbara, and take them back in time. In the past, their time machine, the TARDIS, malfunctions, leaving them unsure if they will ever be able to return to their own time. After a blind jump to an unknown point in space and time, the Doctor suggests they all "freshen up" before going outside, but first asks Susan to check the radiation levels, which are fine, until she looks away and they jump to MAXIMUM DEATH.
Oh, my god. SO MUCH to cover this week. I'm excited!
First of all, when the Doctor suggested they all "freshen up", what that meant is that they are all wearing new clothes now. Ian is wearing a Mister Rodgers sweater. Susan is wearing a shirt with a tiny collar all the way up her neck. Barbara is wearing a low cut shirt with a GIANT collar. Doctor Who is wearing a new set of the exact same clothes.
The mysterious thing here isn't what they're wearing, but where these clothes came from. You can maybe assume that Susan has a closet full of shirts with various sizes of collar, but it's been demonstrated that Doctor Who only has one style of clothes (like Monk!). And this is of course assuming that the kidnapped teachers wear the same size as the doctor and Susan, which is clearly not the case.
You can then draw one of three conclusions:
It turns out that everything around here is dead and petrified. They wander about for a bit but don't discover anything anything. They're all set to head back to the ship and leave when Ian sees a large city off in the distance. The Doctor then goes on another of his selfish benders and decides he WILL study the city, completely ignoring the protests of all his traveling companions.
They all agree it would be too dangerous to explore the site then and there though so they head back to the ship to wait until morning. On the way back, somebody touches Susan. The adults handle this child groping by telling Susan she's crazy and made it up.
Then they all take a snack break! Apparently in the future, Science has discovered that all food is comprised of two base flavors. Depending on how you combine these two flavors, you can create food that tastes like anything. Conveniently, the TARDIS has one of these machines on board, and by twisting two knobs to various settings, it spits out a paste that tastes like bacon and eggs. Unless the two "primary flavors" are "bacon" and "eggs", then I don't really see this as plausible, but it's an interesting idea. Honestly, this was my favorite part of the episode, and at this point I don't care if they ever leave the ship again.
They hear some banging on the outside of the ship and come to the conclusion that there may actually be life on this planet, so they decide to leave as quickly as possible. But the doctor still has his heart set on visiting the city so he SABOTAGES HIS OWN SHIP. The ship's drive runs on liquid Mercury, so he empties it out so they will be forced to go into the city and find some.
Needless to say, this is quite the gamble. If my life depended on my finding liquid Mercury here in Tacoma, I'm not sure I could. And this is a planet where I know liquid Mercury actually exists! And there are live people to help me! But apparently for Doctor Who, always getting what he wants is far more important than not being stranded forever on a radioactive planet.
As they leave the ship the next morning, they discover a metal box. Presuming it to be a bomb, they take the proper precautions and poke it with a stick from 2 feet away. Ian at least has the good sense to put one hand in front of his face, while the others just stand in the blast range unprotected. Here's a travel tip: when you find yourself in a petrified forest, and one of your friends is going to poke what you assume is a bomb, hide behind a rock, which is pretty much ANYTHING AROUND YOU. Luckily for them all, it isn't a bomb, but a container of vials of fluid which they ignore and continue on.
When they arrive in the city the next day, they decide to split the party up, which is always a great idea. Unfortunately, Barbara, who went off by herself, doesn't meet back up with the group, because she's attacked by what seems to be a giant toilet plunger.
No, seriously:
That's it for Serial 2, Episode 1! Check back soon for more Who!
Miss one? Check out our previous episodes below:
Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 4 - The Firemaker
Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 3 - The Forest of Fear
Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 2 - The Cave of Skulls
Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 1 - An Unearthly Child
Introduction
Secondly, a big spoiler warning for anything I say after this sentence. I'm not sure if it's still common courtesy to put spoiler warnings on content that is almost 50 years old, but I'm going to air on the side of caution.
Disclaimers out of the way, lets watch some Who!
Serial 2: The Daleks
Part 1: The Dead Planet (1963)
Starring: Doctor 1 - William Hartnell
Quick recap: Doctor Who and his granddaughter Susan accidentally kidnap two of her teachers, Ian and Barbara, and take them back in time. In the past, their time machine, the TARDIS, malfunctions, leaving them unsure if they will ever be able to return to their own time. After a blind jump to an unknown point in space and time, the Doctor suggests they all "freshen up" before going outside, but first asks Susan to check the radiation levels, which are fine, until she looks away and they jump to MAXIMUM DEATH.
Oh, my god. SO MUCH to cover this week. I'm excited!
First of all, when the Doctor suggested they all "freshen up", what that meant is that they are all wearing new clothes now. Ian is wearing a Mister Rodgers sweater. Susan is wearing a shirt with a tiny collar all the way up her neck. Barbara is wearing a low cut shirt with a GIANT collar. Doctor Who is wearing a new set of the exact same clothes.
The mysterious thing here isn't what they're wearing, but where these clothes came from. You can maybe assume that Susan has a closet full of shirts with various sizes of collar, but it's been demonstrated that Doctor Who only has one style of clothes (like Monk!). And this is of course assuming that the kidnapped teachers wear the same size as the doctor and Susan, which is clearly not the case.
You can then draw one of three conclusions:
- They have a machine that creates clothes out of thin air in whatever sizes you want
- They have a massive warehouse full of clothes of all sizes within the TARDIS.
- The kidnapping was not accidental, but premeditated, and the Doctor stocked up on clothes in the teachers' sizes.
It turns out that everything around here is dead and petrified. They wander about for a bit but don't discover anything anything. They're all set to head back to the ship and leave when Ian sees a large city off in the distance. The Doctor then goes on another of his selfish benders and decides he WILL study the city, completely ignoring the protests of all his traveling companions.
They all agree it would be too dangerous to explore the site then and there though so they head back to the ship to wait until morning. On the way back, somebody touches Susan. The adults handle this child groping by telling Susan she's crazy and made it up.
Then they all take a snack break! Apparently in the future, Science has discovered that all food is comprised of two base flavors. Depending on how you combine these two flavors, you can create food that tastes like anything. Conveniently, the TARDIS has one of these machines on board, and by twisting two knobs to various settings, it spits out a paste that tastes like bacon and eggs. Unless the two "primary flavors" are "bacon" and "eggs", then I don't really see this as plausible, but it's an interesting idea. Honestly, this was my favorite part of the episode, and at this point I don't care if they ever leave the ship again.
They hear some banging on the outside of the ship and come to the conclusion that there may actually be life on this planet, so they decide to leave as quickly as possible. But the doctor still has his heart set on visiting the city so he SABOTAGES HIS OWN SHIP. The ship's drive runs on liquid Mercury, so he empties it out so they will be forced to go into the city and find some.
Needless to say, this is quite the gamble. If my life depended on my finding liquid Mercury here in Tacoma, I'm not sure I could. And this is a planet where I know liquid Mercury actually exists! And there are live people to help me! But apparently for Doctor Who, always getting what he wants is far more important than not being stranded forever on a radioactive planet.
As they leave the ship the next morning, they discover a metal box. Presuming it to be a bomb, they take the proper precautions and poke it with a stick from 2 feet away. Ian at least has the good sense to put one hand in front of his face, while the others just stand in the blast range unprotected. Here's a travel tip: when you find yourself in a petrified forest, and one of your friends is going to poke what you assume is a bomb, hide behind a rock, which is pretty much ANYTHING AROUND YOU. Luckily for them all, it isn't a bomb, but a container of vials of fluid which they ignore and continue on.
When they arrive in the city the next day, they decide to split the party up, which is always a great idea. Unfortunately, Barbara, who went off by herself, doesn't meet back up with the group, because she's attacked by what seems to be a giant toilet plunger.
No, seriously:
That's it for Serial 2, Episode 1! Check back soon for more Who!
Miss one? Check out our previous episodes below:
Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 4 - The Firemaker
Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 3 - The Forest of Fear
Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 2 - The Cave of Skulls
Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 1 - An Unearthly Child
Introduction
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Most Bizarre but True News Story: Publicly shamed into sobriety?
LA is thinking of a new strategy to combat drunk driving... publicly (electronically via the net) shaming drunk drivers by posting their mug shots on their facebook profile.
LA to post DUI offenders on Facebook
LA to post DUI offenders on Facebook
Most Bizarre but True News Story: Exotic Taco Wednesday
Boca Tacos and Tequila, of Tucson, AZ. has had an Exotic Taco Wednesday for the last six months. This special menu has seen items such as python, alligator, elk, kangaroo, rattlesnake, Rocky Mountain oysters, turtle, duck and frog legs in its tacos. The usual going rate is $3-$4 per taco. Last month, owner Bryan Mazon, announced that he would be serving up African Lion tacos starting Feb. 16th and would be taking pre-orders for this specialty taco at $8.75 per taco. People all over the world have since placed orders for their lion tacos (I would love to have the chance to eat lion too...). The FDA has no rules against serving up the King of the Jungle in a tasty corn tortilla since it isn't on the endangered species list. The price for lion is even steeper than lobster at $100/lb for ground lion, and $400/lb for a tenderloin.
The news of this epic taco has stirred up quite the hubbub and has resulted in many threats to the restaurant, employees, and customers. Due to these threats, Boca Tacos and Tequila, has decided to scrap the lion taco in favor of safety and angry mobs.
Articles About Lion Tacos
The news of this epic taco has stirred up quite the hubbub and has resulted in many threats to the restaurant, employees, and customers. Due to these threats, Boca Tacos and Tequila, has decided to scrap the lion taco in favor of safety and angry mobs.
Articles About Lion Tacos
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Most Bizarre But True News Story - Diddy Gets Sued
You didn't think I'd make a new contest without pre-selecting an entry, did you?
Sean Combs, AKA "Sean 'Puffy' Combs" AKA "Puff Daddy" AKA "P Diddy" AKA "Diddy" AKA "That dude from 'Get Him to the Greek' that isn't the fat one or the one banging Katy Perry" is being sued. For ONE TRILLION DOLLARS.
Here are the charges being brought against him, in descending order of absurdity:
1) He fathered an illegitimate love child who is now 23 and now owes 900 billion in child support
2) He stole a poker chip "well worth over 100 zillions of dollars"
3) He caused the attacks on the World Trade Center on 9/11
THIS IS A REAL NEWS STORY. Your move, competitors!
February Contest - Most Bizarre But True News Story
The contest for this month: Most Bizarre But True News Story
The Rules:
1) News stories CANNOT be fake. Nothing from the Onion or similar fake news sites.
2) News stories must be from 2011. Current events, people!
3) Contest is open to everyone (except the rule czar). To enter, leave a comment with your news story on any contest blog post one of the writers puts up.
4) Contest will run until Friday, February 25th, at Midnight.
5) Winner will be chosen by the Rule Czar.
6) Bribing the Rule Czar with money or food IS ALLOWED, as long as it is done publicly.
7) Outstanding bribes MUST be paid off by Friday, February 25th. Promising a bribe and failing to pay up will result in disqualification and public shame.
8) Bribing Evan with money or food is also allowed, but will have no affect on the outcome of the contest.
9) Evan, as the rulewriter, withholds the right to append or modify these rules at any time, assuming it is not for a douchey reason. (Douchiness quotient determined by rule czar)
10) A prize (TBD) will be supplied to the winner. Good luck!
The Rules:
1) News stories CANNOT be fake. Nothing from the Onion or similar fake news sites.
2) News stories must be from 2011. Current events, people!
3) Contest is open to everyone (except the rule czar). To enter, leave a comment with your news story on any contest blog post one of the writers puts up.
4) Contest will run until Friday, February 25th, at Midnight.
5) Winner will be chosen by the Rule Czar.
6) Bribing the Rule Czar with money or food IS ALLOWED, as long as it is done publicly.
7) Outstanding bribes MUST be paid off by Friday, February 25th. Promising a bribe and failing to pay up will result in disqualification and public shame.
8) Bribing Evan with money or food is also allowed, but will have no affect on the outcome of the contest.
9) Evan, as the rulewriter, withholds the right to append or modify these rules at any time, assuming it is not for a douchey reason. (Douchiness quotient determined by rule czar)
10) A prize (TBD) will be supplied to the winner. Good luck!
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