...but not by any of you mooks.
1) Michael's snack is bad for the super-thin
The Michael in question here, is Michael from Burn Notice, who fans of the show will know, has a fondness for yogurt.
So what does yogurt, being bad and the super thin reference? A recent xkcd (newest as of the riddle's posting):
2) A very hungry monkey completes the future
The monkey in question is Jimmy, from THE GREATEST WEBCOMIC EVER
But just how hungry is he? Hungry enough to Eat a World?
Jimmy Eat World has an album called Futures, the last track of which is "23":
3) Green, though not my favorite, is often referenced
This one was just a reference to my phone number.
Overall riddle solution: Today is my 23rd birthday.
Really, the whole thing was just an elaborate way for me to say "How could you forget my birthday, Matt? I even reminded you ahead of time!" but then he had to ruin the whole thing by REMEMBERING. WHAT A JERK.
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