Last post of the year! My phone can't highlight the text field so this will have to do. Also happy new year!

YNTE Movie Night: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

So while I was writing those other two movie reviews tonight, I had a movie going on the other monitor and it was SO GOOD I had to write about it immediately. You know, good in a YNTE Movie Night sense, where it's terrible, but fun to watch and loudly criticize.

The movie of course, was "Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan", and before you ask, yes, that is really the title. They decided to go with "VIII" instead of "8" because this is a CLASSY film.

Before I get into the plot of this movie, a bit of background for those who haven't seen the first VII movies. They center around Jason Vorhees, who, as a child, attended Camp Crystal Lake. He didn't know how to swim and drowned as the lifeguards were off fucking instead of watching the kids. Since then, he returns on the anniversary of his death to kill camp counselors and other promiscuous teens.

Flash forward to this film. The main character (as a child, in flashback) is out boating on Crystal Lake with her creepy uncle who is giving her shit about still no knowing how to swim. He points out that Jason drowned here because he didn't know how to swim, and if she doesn't learn how to swim, she will drown too. He follows up this totally child-appropriate pep talk by pushing her out of the boat and telling her if she doesn't swim, Jason will grab her and drag her to the bottom of the lake. I should take uncle lessons from this guy, because he clearly knows how to motivate children.

Of course, this being a movie, as soon as he says that, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS. Deformed child Jason grabs onto the already drowning girl and drags her deeper into the lake. Somehow she survives but her parents die and she is raised by Uncle Doucher.

As she graduates High School, many of her peers congregate on a cruise ship from Crystal Lake to New York city, which is a little shady since I was under the impression Crystal Lake was in Illinois. Geography aside, Jason of course hops on board the ship and hitches a ride to NYC, murderin' all the way. Some would point out that it is out of character for Jason to leave Crystal Lake as he has no motivation to do so, and they would be right, but since in two films he will be in space, I'm going to let it slide.

They are on this boat for a very long time. They might as well have called this movie "Friday the 13th Part VII: I'm on a Boat" since they don't set foot in New York until after an hour into the 90 minute movie.

Jason's victims try out a new tactic this movie, which they hadn't tried previously: sitting there doing nothing. Nobody really fights the dude. They just sit there and get murdered. ONE GUY fights back by punching Jason repeatedly for like 2 minutes straight (not exaggerating) and Jason just stands there and takes it because hey, this is the movies and only one person can be agressive at a time.

Oh, and of course as soon as the guy runs out of energy and stops punching, Jason decapitates him with one punch. Decapipunches are real, right?

Anyway, about an hour into the movie, Jason throws a guy at a computer which causes the boat to burn up. A few survivors manage to escape in a rowboat. Uncle Doucher does not help row, but has snide remarks for those who do. They finally manage to row their way to shore in New York, which once again raises Geography questions. Where are they originally from where New York is a couple hours away from rowboat distance yet is still a destination? I'm led to believe Camp Crystal Lake is in New Jersey which goes a long way to explain Jason's temprament.

Meanwhile, while they are rowing, Jason, is swimming behind them. Let me repeat that: Jason, on whom this entire series is predicated on not being able to swim, IS SWIMMING. And not just swimming, but swimming in the open ocean during a storm and keeping pace with a rowboat.

There's a brief break here for the main character to get kidnapped by gangbangers and dosed with Heroin to remind the viewer that this is New York. THEM STREETS IS VICIOUS YO.

Then back to the Murderin'! Jason chases them through the city past literally hundreds of easier targets/witnesses. Uncle Doucher gets drowned (irony!).

The chase culminates in a sewer with the last two survivors trying to escape up a ladder with Jason just feet below them. All of a sudden, TIDAL WAVE! Despite the fact that he had just survived being hit by a car and electrocuted, despite the fact that just minutes before he showed olympic level swimming ability, despite the fact that he spent the two years between the last movie and now chained to a rock underwater, six feet of water drowns him and he dies.

But the craziest fucking thing is this: when the water washes away, instead of adult Jason's body, it is child Jason's body. Why? Umm... symbolism? They find their dog. Credits.

Honestly, there is no point anymore in making a Jason parody because it has alrready been made and it was this movie. Completely unintentional. Just the way I like it.


BONUS CONTENT:
This is the song Alice Cooper wrote for Friday the 13th part VI. It contains such AWESOME lyrics as "You're deep in love, but you're deeper in the woods".

YNTE Movie Night: The Last Airbender

I realized as I was making that last post, that I have another movie night in the bank. About two months back I saw M. Night Shayamalan's "The Last Airbender".

I was going to come up with punny titles for this like "The Last Gharish Member" or "The Worst Airbender" or "the Last M. Night Movie I Will EVER see Airbender" or "The white people punch minorities because minorities are apparently all evil Airbender".

But I won't even dignify this film with a pun because quite frankly, it doesn't deserve it. It's bar none THE SINGLE WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN. Remember my review for The Happening? Cinematic GOLD compared to this turd.

Its crimes are too numerous to list, but let me sum it up this way. This is two hours of things happening. People do not react to these things happening, cause them to happen or emote any real opinion on the things happening in the first place.

An example: In the start of the movie, two people are hunting. They accidentally uncover a giant ball of ice. They break the ice, inside is another person. Cut to them back at camp, the buy they found is there. Nobody is behaving as though anything out of the ordinary or special has occurred. Then the evil ethnic looking firebenders arrive. They "pillage" the camp. People continue going about their day as their fucking homes are being pillaged. The dude they found in the ice ball is kidnapped. They do nothing to prevent this from happening. Then, without explanation, they go off to rescue a stranger they just found and have shown no interest in up to this point.

That's the first 5 minutes. There's two hours of that nonsense.

Luckily, my timing worked out well, and I happened to have just heard that our FINE state had decided to ban FourLoko and had just purchased myself some right before the ban went into effect.

So, fortuitously, I was drunk enough for most of the night that I actually remember very little of the film. If you MUST see this film, do yourself a favor and get blitzed first.

Here's some tweets from the night in question when my memory of the film was clearer and my grasp on grammar and punctuation was not:
http://twitter.com/#!/jathevan/status/2572332614819841
http://twitter.com/#!/jathevan/status/2573027510325248
http://twitter.com/#!/jathevan/status/2573372412133376
http://twitter.com/#!/jathevan/status/2574762672914433
http://twitter.com/#!/jathevan/status/2584940642312192

Long story short? DO NOT WATCH THIS. NOT EVEN YOU, TOM. I KNOW YOU LIKED THE CARTOON BUT THIS IS UTTER SHIT. I AM SERIOUS, LOOK AT THE CAPS.

YNTE Movie Night: Sharktopus

I promised I'd watch those 5 "monsters eating bikini babes" movies by now, didn't I?

I'll get to them all... eventually. But I got a bit sidetracked and thus far, I've only seen one of them. But boy was it a classic.

I saw "Sharktopus", and it was exactly the movie you would expect it to be with that title.

Sure, the sharktopus is contantly changing size (one scene has him about the size of a person, another larger than a ship). Sure, his attributes change (by the end of the movie he has completely left the ocean and is cheezing around on dry land). But if you're willing to suspend your disbelief over the fact that the monster is a giant Shark-Octopus hybrid, these are really minor considerations.

This is a movie where EVERY character (yes, even the genetic scientists who created the sharktopus in the first place) are vacuous idiots. And most of them get eaten, stabbed, or torn apart. There's even one part at the end where the main character sets down his gun to poke the sharktopus with a big stick. Yes, that happened.

So it sounds like a slam dunk, right? Well I did have one major problem with the film. Let me explain:

A relatively in-shape human male has "six-pack" abs. Really in-shape guys will sometimes have "8-pack abs". Regardless of the number, they always come in matched, even, pairs, right?

Wrong.



The main character has disgustingly mismatched abs, and it's hella distracting. And he prances about the whole movie with his shirt open. BUTTON UP, FELLA. THE BUTTONS ARE THERE FOR A REASON.

I wanted to see a movie about a shark-octopus hybrid, not some mismatched FREAKSHOW. For Shame!

All in all, though, an enjoyable (though objectively not very good) movie. IF you can stand the abs.

It's Vegas, Baby!

So I returned home from Vegas yesterday, and subsequently passed out after the irritating flight home. Since my first name is the latest in the alphabet compared to the rest of my family, I get the pleasure of always getting an aisle seat, and I can't just take a nap on the plane 'cause people are constantly running into my arm on account of their tiny bladders. Consequently I didn't end up joining Umi and Evan in their Left 4 Dead game.

In any case, I thought I'd share the luxurious minibar my room came stocked with... wait, there was no mini bar, just this:

I certainly do enjoy my water, but not $7 for that. Hell, for $2 more I could run downstairs and get 3 bottles of Coke for that! But I digress. I was going to share the amazing meals I was going to have, but they were all pretty standard. So instead, enjoy these advertisements heavily laden with innuendo, starting from least to most obscure.

Anyway, this'll be the last post before my last post of the year. Cryptic!

Merry Christmas!

So here's a picture of a polar bear. I tried searching Google for "Christmas bear" 'cause I was lazy, but it was all teddy bears, cliparts, and coloring book pages. The suggestions said "did you mean Christmas polar bear?" And lo and behold, here's result #1.

Although one of those coloring book pages might be pretty badass.

Anyway, I'm off to Vegas. Ciao.

Evan paid me

Not pictured: Most of those bills.

It was really helpful at the LAN party we had, as I paid for a lot of the pizza. Like, 5 pizzas. Good stuff. In any case I've gotta get the rest of my posts in. It's been a busy month, so not a whole lot of buzzing going on around here.

Also we had our first ever chip-bag fight. That was interesting.

Also we didn't help Umi clean up. Sorry Umi! Maybe we'll help clean up next time. If you haven't banned us from your apartment already.

Matt is getting paid tonight.

Tom isn't.

Matt, upon receiving this money, you are contractually obligated to make posts or to travel back down here to give me back 8 bucks. Or 8 pizzas.

Best Parrot Ever

Now I kind of want a parrot. But only if it's this cool:

Happy Birthday, Matt!

Matt, I have good news and bad news:
The good news is that I publicly remembered your birthday on time.
The bad news is that your parents have LIED to you your whole life. You were actually born on the 13th! You are actually two days younger than you thought.

Hopefully this COMPLETELY ORIGINAL picture will cheer you up. Portal jokes are still relevant!

After all that fuss about publicly remembering your birthday...

...you forget to publicly remember mine. For the first time.

I'll let it slide this time...

Anyone can have pumpkin pie pizza...

But I have pumpkin pie alcohol!

1 part Whipped Cream Vodka
1/2 Part pumpkin liqueur
1/2 Part light cream

It is tasty and will warm your heart. :)

Thanksgiving Pizza Shenanigans

So, it might turn out that I'm the only one who had leftovers from thanksgiving. Will Steve-O or Umi swoop in to save the day? Or will Tom, in a cunning move, rescind what he said in a previous comment and fabricate fake thanksgiving leftovers onto a pizza? Only time will tell.

In any case, I sorta cut corners on this. Instead of making the pizza, I bought a Little Caesar's pizza. And I only used a slice instead of the entire thing for these shenanigans.

So yeah, here's the slice I used, the biggest of the bunch. Lets add some turkey and ham.


And what would thanksgiving be without a little bit of stuffing?


Was out of potatoes, so this'll have to do... or will it? I've still got some gravy.


...and some cranberry sauce.


...aaaaaaaaaand a slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream.


There, I think my masterpiece/monstrosity is complete. Lets try it out.


Nom nom. It actually tasted pretty good. The gravy and the stuffing made all the difference. Unfortunately, the pumpkin pie fell off shortly thereafter. But I continued to eat it.


Well, I guess I've punished my body enough today. Time to eat the rest of this pizza regular.

Evan was behind on his reading...

...so I didn't hear about Matt's contest until just after I finished all my thanksgiving leftovers.

However, here is a photo of me eating regular pizza. If nobody enters with Thanksgiving pizza, this could still win.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy turkey day everyone living in the US (and not Canada, they had their thanksgiving LAST month). Considering this is the holiday whose sole purpose is about eating a turkey, I don't see how it wouldn't get a mention on this blog.

And yet, in YNTE tradition, nothing is complete until it is in Pizza form. So, in doing a 2 second google image search, I found a festive holiday pizza for you all.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

I have a challenge for the other writers of YNTE. Who can make the best thanksgiving leftover pizza? I propose that we all make a pizza by the end of the month using only leftover thanksgiving ingredients as toppings. As it'll be hard to figure out which one tastes the best, the only obvious way to do this is make it look as delectable as possible, and then show a picture of you eating it.

What say you, guys?

"Vigilante justice has come to Seattle, and the caped crusaders drive a Kia."

This is probably the most fascinating news article I have ever read.

What's bad about maple bars?

They're usually sans bacon.

Except this one.

Made by Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland, you can get both your morning sweet tooth and bacon craving out of the way in one fell swoop. That and they have a bunch of other crazy doughnuts. Check it out.

MISCHIEF

I've decided that the best possible way to stick it to the man today would be to STEAL A BOOK. Namely this one:
Stealing this book is easy because some people uploaded a pdf of the whole thing. So go download it from the book pirates over at: http://machineofdeath.net/a/ebook

From the introduction: "This book, unlike most others, started its life as an offhand comment made by a bright green Tyrannosaurus Rex."

It's a collection of stories about a machine that predicts how a person will die and how they cope with the knowledge of that information. And while there were some fairly predictable outputs such as "Cancer" and "Suicide", there are others like "Almond", "Exhaustion From Having Sex With A Minor", and "Improperly Prepared Blowfish" that are decidedly more out there.

On top of it all, this book was a great success for independent publishing, premiering at number 1 on amazon, beating out the debuts of new books by John Grisham and Glenn Beck. So read it for free! Then if you like it, you can buy your very own copy and help out some cool folks and annoy Glenn Beck.

You may be asking yourself: "Evan, how does not-stealing a book stick it to the government or in any way promote the sort of mischief associated with Guy Fawkes day?"

To which I say "Shut up."

What the heck is Matt talking about?

He is referencing this conversation we had:

Matthew: 5 days and no update on ynte?

Matthew Klug is online.

Matthew: something must be wrong

Evan: I am unconscious

Matthew: happens

Sent at 10:19 AM on Friday

Matthew: we had a guy dressed up in a guy fawkes mask hijack all of the fancy projectors around campus today

that was interesting

Sent at 10:26 AM on Friday

Evan: I own a Guy Fawkes mask but I always forget to get up to mischief on Nov 5th

perhaps it's because people call it November 5th and not "the fifth of November"

if they talked that way I would 'remember, remember' it for sure

If you are still confused either move to England or read the graphic novel "V for Vendetta". Or just watch the movie if it is your life goal to piss off Alan Moore.

Fifth of November.

"Remember remember the fifth of November

Gunpowder, treason and plot;

I see no reason why gunpowder, treason

Should ever be forgot."

There Evan, now you have no excuse. Make some mischief.

Half-Baked

What circumstances could possibly call for half of a pie that a full pie could not fully vouch for? Safeway, you crazy.

Happy Halloween!

This year to celebrate halloween, I grew my own pumpkin. But instead of me carving it, I decided I would commission the local wildlife to carve my pumpkin for me. So, I left it outside and let them do their work, and here is the end result:

Instead of the traditional "carve a face out" strategy, it appeared to be a "gnaw at the top to make a face with the stem being a nose" type of strategy. And it looks like there's a little more gnawing than that in completely unrelated areas of the pumpkin.

Unacceptable. I think next year I should commission some more artistic critters. Or, I dunno, maybe do it myself.

Who's Having Emergencies?

Oh my god Bear might possibly be having emergencies! How can this be?

For anyone who doesn't know, WSU has a research center that is dedicated to researching bears. Outside of the cages are signs up that have emergency numbers to call. Out of context, most people would probably go "wtf" at this sign. And what if it's a bear attacking a human, then which one do you call? What if you were the one being attacked and you had to stay on the line? What if the bear was the one calling, how would they know how to spell your name?

In any case, I don't know what kind of emergencies bears could get into. It doesn't SEEM like they're in any imminent danger. I mean they just look so happy.


See?

I must obey, as she is the Rule Czar. It's the rules!

Evan,
This belongs on YNTE:

http://www.vat19.com/dvds/worlds-largest-gummy-worm.cfm

Two reasons:
1) It's a giant, 4000-calorie gummy worm
2) There is no way to eat it without making a penis joke. I mean, just look at it!
3) It is a real product actually available for purchase. YNTE special investigative report?

Peace,
Rena

Someone at Safeway needs to go back to school...

What is this world coming to?

What is the world coming to when a man cannot break into someone's office at random, get naked and watch porn? I mean come on, who doesn't like a good porno every now and again?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/12/AR2010101206214.html?hpid=sec-nation

Best Headline Ever!

In Safety Study, Sheep on Meth Are Shocked With Tasers

Who is hungry and a gymnast?

Oh my god, bear is most defiantly hungry and a gymnast! It seems that our furry friend has gotten hungry and decided that berries and squirrels were just not cutting it. His new diet plan seems to involve some bird feed.

Bear

YNTE has a new writer!

I've just added a new writer to the blog, so everyone give a warm YNTE welcome to our newest writer: Ryan Umemoto, aka "Umi".

Honestly, the only reason it took me this long to make him an account is because I basically just assumed he had one all along. I mean, seriously, we've been talking about him, have a tag about him, and have pictures of his purple car up. Even though he hasn't been writing for us, he's been a presence on the blog.

Umi is of course famous for the "Umi Joke", wherein he eiher takes something 3 steps beyond its humorous conclusion, or repeats exactly what you said and expects equal laughs. Or perhaps he will start telling a joke and forget the punchline, asking you midjoke what the punchline to his joke is.

It is your responsibility, dear readers, to make fun of him endlessly in the comments if it ever happens here. I know I will!

Who's Driving?

Oh my god nobody's driving! How can this be?

Looks like Google is being Google again. Making cars that drive themselves for some reason. And making possible every automated car personality a reality. Night Rider? Herby the Love Bug? Those Semi-trucks in that one Simpson's episode? All future movie cars that drive themselves? I'm sure there are more but I'm too lazy to research them.

This also opens up a whole new avenue for bear to be driving. How could we NOT let this happen?

YNTE Movie Night: Time to settle this!

There's a certain type of horror movie that I am a fan of: the Aquatic Disaster film. A film where a bunch of drunk college students, normally on spring break, get killed one by one by some sort of sea monster, normally a shark. It's bimboes in bikinis getting eaten. What's better than that?

Do these movies have complex plots or good acting? Absolutely not. All of them are objectively terrible. But, like so many other films that have been the subject of YNTE Movie Night, they're so bad they're extremely enjoyable.

For years, the reigning champ of the Aquatic Disaster genre was the made for TV "Spring Break Shark Attack". I was searching for a trailer to give you a taste of this cinema classic, but youtube didn't have one. However, somebody did upload the entire movie, and whoever owns the rights to the film didn't care enough to have it pulled, which should be an indicator of how much effort went into this film. Here's part one:



Good stuff, right? I thought no movie could ever be as good as that, and maybe I was right. But 4 films have come to my attention that could be challengers to the throne. They are:

1) Piranha 3d


2) SyFy Channel's Sharktopus


3) The Asylum's Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus


4) The Asylum's Mega Piranha


So, between now and the end of the year (or until Piranha 3D comes out on DVD), I will watch all 5 of these films and determine, once and for all determine what the best Aquatic Monster Disaster film of all time is.

But how much fun would it be if I did this by myself? You can help! Simply watch one or more of these movies, write up a review, email it to evan@jimmyandthehammer.com and I'll post them all up here in the ultimate showdown. A winner will be crowned.

Who is ripping out people's eyes?

Oh my god Bear is ripping out people's eyes! How can this be? Bear sure seems to be a multitalented individual.

Mine goes to 11

I'm talking about, of course, my stove, which was probably designed by Spinal Tap.

As you can see, it goes from lo-2-3....9-10-hi. The only logical conclusion is that this one goes to 11. It's one hotter.

I'm doing 24 Hour Comic Book Day tomorrow!

Tomorrow (Saturday, October 2nd) I will be participating in 24 Hour Comic Book Day!

http://www.24hourcomicsday.com/

The idea behind the event is twofold. Creating a comic book in a single day to see what deadlines can do for creativity, and having a social appearance for interaction with fans and other creators.

Well, I won’t be making a new comic from scratch. I’ll be working on Jimmy and the Hammer (though I may wander off and work on the Moongazer a bit). And I likely won’t be there for the full 24 hours. But I should be able to do enough that I can get ahead again.

But the second part is what really appealed to me. I will be hanging out all day in the Lets Draw Stuff chatroom at: http://www.letsdrawstuff.com/draw along with many other talented creators. And the genius of it all is you can come watch us draw, hang out, talk with us all, and have a generally awesomesauce time!

So once again, come hang out with me and watch me create the strip, tomorrow, October 2nd, at http://letsdrawstuff.com/draw ! I’ll be there as much as I am awake for, but I should be there at least from noon to midnight. I’ll also be twittering my experiences throughout the day, so if you can’t make it in person, be sure to follow me on twitter: @jathevan.

See you tomorrow!

Amazon is not allowed to make suggestions on my behalf anymore.

You like Eminem? You'd love Zac Efron! The logic is flawless.

Also, the two of them should form a band called Eminefron.

September Roundup!

Matt and I have both pulled through another month. At this point I owe Matt a minimum of 20 dollars by the end of the year, but if he keeps up this consistency, it will be the full 50.

At this point I am declaring the gauntlet A SUCCESS. The blog has been doing better than ever, officially having the most posts of any year, and there are still many months to go.

So the question that crops up is this: How will we top it next year?

I've got some ideas, nothing final yet. Here's a few of the things bouncing around my head.
-Upping the number of posts needed per month before a payout. 7? 10? 5.3?
-Adding a per-post payment for mooks like Steve and Tom who don't hit the threshold (not as much as if they had)
-Bringing in more writers (unpaid at first?) Umi? Jason? Rena? Who knows?
-Alternate Revenue Streams (Maybe KFC will sponsor us, or at least send us some sweat pants)
-A podcast?
-More regular (monthly/weekly, etc) posts, like YNTE Movie Night
-Sharing incentives?

That's what I've come up with so far, By the end of the year I should have it all fleshed out into a more solid plan. But I would love your input and ideas! Anything to add? Any ideas seem unreasonable? What do y'all think?

Matt is a Slacker

So at first I was like "damn, I don't have an idea for the last post of the month on YNTE."

Then I was like "damn, I didn't post pictures on any of my blog posts this month."

I'll make it up to you all with a corgi being adorable.

And then Evan's future wallet became slightly lighter.

the Asylum

Anyone who knows bad movies knows about the Asylum. They're a group of filmmakers that make terrible movies with titles similar to other mainstream movies, making old ladies think "Isn't this that new movie that's out? Oh, I'm sure my grandson would love this!" And also providing drinking games for those who get it.

So when I bought Halo Reach a couple weeks ago, Wal-Mart gave me a $20 gift card for free. And right next to the checkout was a bargain movie bin. My brother, having the knack to spot these movies, found 2 double features and 1 triple feature DVDs of Asylum films. Films such as Alien vs. Hunter, War of the Worlds 2, Monster, and 10,000,000 BC. I can't remember all the films we got, but I was disappointed when we didn't find gems such as Transmorphers, The Day the Earth Stopped, and Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.

There are 2 constants about these movies. Firstly, if they don't nuke anything, it's probably not a movie that was sponsored by the Sci-Fi channel. Secondly, if watching these movies turn into drinking games, you become wasted. In any case, stay tuned, as these may be the basis for a future YNTE movie night.

By the way, speaking of terrible movies, George Lucas decided he wants to remake all of the Star Wars movies in 3d. Starting with the Phantom Menace.

YNTE Gaming Night: Halo and Metroid

Once again, the two franchises released at approximately the same time, in a competition to test whether Nintendo or Microsoft has the bigger ego. Regardless, I picked both up.

The first one I played through (on Co-op with my brother) was Halo Reach. For those of you who don't know, it's a precursor to Halo 1, so it's like Star Wars Episode 1, where things are less advanced (supposedly) and yet they look prettier. However, they stayed pretty consistent--Grunts didn't know how to speak English, couldn't dual wield, etc. But the inclusion of Brutes and new weapons kinda throws off the ambiance a bit. To be honest, it was a good storyline and a good addition to the franchise, but it felt the same as all the other games. If you've played other games and you play this, it just seems like recycled material. But, I suppose the attention to detail elsewhere makes up for it. As for the other modes, this game is even more feature rich than the other games. It still has multiplayer, the forge, and several other solo game types to help you earn those credits and achievement points.

Then afterwards I played through Metroid. Since this was on the Wii, it obviously wasn't as shiny as its Xbox antithesis, but it was still expertly done. Instead of its other 3D predecessors that were created by Retro Studios, this one was developed by Team Ninja, famous for their Dead or Alive franchise and the 3d adaptation of Ninja Gaiden. And highlighting womanly jiggly-bits. It seemed like an obvious choice for them to develop this game, as Samus is probably Nintendo's bustiest heroine, but for once they put away the boob-physics and made a seriously good game without staring at her chest in every cutscene. The gameplay was a blend of platforming/FPS/puzzle and played mostly like a 2D/2.5D game, and the cutscenes were also expertly crafted. The constant narration of trivial things by Samus in these cutscenes was kinda off-putting at times, but looking past this just gives the game a complete feel. In addition, after completing the game, you can view all of the cutscenes back to back in the theater mode, which turns the game into a feature-length movie.

Both were good games, I recommend picking them both up. Sorry Evan, Metroid won't add to your gamerscore still.

Talk about targeted advertizing!

Regular readers of this blog know that I am a fan of KFC and it's over the top unhealthy food, namely the Double Down - a bacon sandwich that uses Fried Chicken for buns.

But apparently KFC has been having trouble advertizing. Apparently when using traditional advertizing venues such as tv and print ads, too many rational people see it. They really want to target the ads to idiot young males like myself. So KFC hatched a brilliant plan. Instead of advertizing on TV or the internet, they'd advertize somewhere sure to attract idiot males:

Sexy lady butts.
It's like they're saying "You like big asses? I can help you get your very own giant ass!"

Source.

Who is a drug lord?

OH MY GOD BEAR IS DRUG LORD HOW CAN THIS BE?

Advertizing Fail

Dear Google: When a somebody makes a webcomic criticizing a product, that might not be the best spot to advertise THAT EXACT PRODUCT.

(screenshot taken from my RSS feed. Original strip here: http://chainsawsuit.com/2010/09/15/tickets-please/)

(re)Name that band!

This is a photo of the band "Men Without Hats", famous for their song "The Safety Dance":
Notice that one band member is not a man, and one is not hatless. Perhaps "Without Hats" is supposed to signify that they only wear one hat at a time.

New band name: People of either gender who may or may not wear a hat but will never wear upwards of one hat.

Alternate new band name: Men Without Hats, Snowmen With.

Alternate alternate new band name: We photoshopped in a disinterested lady.

That's what I've got. Can you do better?

Dammit Evan!

You beat me to it. I was gonna make a post about how I would make the imaginary sandwich not imaginary, but I guess I didn't jump the gun fast enough. Probably because the nearest KFC to my house is like a 15-20 minute drive away, and that's effort. And gas money to pile onto that high cost of KFC.

Still, against my better judgement, I will probably partake on this endeavor at some point.

Epic Quest: The Skinwich

Today my girlfriend let me know that I would be on my own for dinner. She would be gone, meaning I could eat WHATEVER I WANTED. This was a mistake.

I decided I wanted to have a Skinwich.

Sure, it's fake. KFC doesn't really serve the Skinwich, and for good reason. It could very well kill a man. But they do sell other food items containing all the ingredients. This was my in. If they wouldn't sell me one, I'd just make one on my own.

So I hatched a plan. I'd buy a "Doublicious Burger" for the bun, cheese, and bacon. And I'd buy 4 chicken breasts to pull the skin off of. This posed two problems:

1) KFC is expensive, and the whole experiment cost me upwards of 15 dollars.
2) It also, however yielded far more food than I anticipated. If you attempt this, be sure to have a friend ride in the car with you when you go to the store, lest you get some judgemental looks from the employees.
The "Doublicious" did not yield as much cheese or bacon as I had hoped, but we were past the point of no return, as I certainly wasn't about to drive all the way back to KFC to spend MORE money. It's basically a single layer of cheese, a single layer of bacon, and a single piece of chicken. The only thing "double" is the buns, and two is the generally accepted minimum amount of buns a sandwich should have.
I had selected breasts because I assumed I would be able to peel off a big piece of skin, but that didn't turn out to be the case, either. It kind of flaked off in rather small chunks which I stacked up in a pile. If I were to do this again, I'd choose a cheaper piece of chicken, since it all will turn out the same. Two breasts worth on this pile.
I then pulled the chicken off the bun, because hey, this is a SKIN-ONLY sandwich. Unfortunately, some of the cheese (which was already at a premium) had melted to the chicken, so that piece also had to be skinned.
I then piled yet another breast's worth of skins onto the bun.
Then I put the two halves together and voila! Skinwich.
And yes, I actually ate it. In front of a mirror, so there would be proof.

But here's the real surprise: IT WAS SUPER TASTY. I ate the whole thing, and then ate much of the leftover bits and had myself a tasty good time. It was better than the sum of its parts. I know the whole thing was just a joke, but they joked their way into a tasty sandwich.

Would I do it again? Probably not. It required a larger investment of both effort and money than I had hoped, and while it was probably better than anything else on the menu, not by enough to justify the cost. Probably.

Although, I'm going to say it here (and you should take this as a personal challenge): the Skinwich is worth eating at least once.

Just don't eat two, or your heart will explode.