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Monday, February 7, 2011

There was a football game yesterday?

My planned interaction with the super bowl consisted of me playing Xbox all day and then looking up the Captain America trailer later that night. Which is more or less what I did.

Then the twitters were atwatter and the blogosphere was all bloggey.

Apparently, the "entertainment" they hired has never heard of "rehearsal", and as this is a blog that frequently focuses on the unintentionally hilarious, I feel obligated to sum up the day's events.

To start off, Christina Aguilera sang the National Anthem. She liked certain parts of that song SO MUCH she sang them twice. I realize that the national anthem is a long, complicated song that the average American has trouble singing. But Christina, you are not an average American. You are a professional singer.

Luckily, then came the halftime show, and everyone forgot her mistake. Remember the time they "accidentally" showed a saggy boob in the halftime show? This was a FAR BIGGER train wreck.

[EDIT: That was fast! The video of the halftime show I posted got pulled off youtube before I finished writing. Looks like most of them did. Good luck finding one if you want, or just read my review below and you will have missed NOTHING]

Watch the video, or read my shot for shot:
-The Black Eyed Peas are lowered down from space wearing Tron jumpsuits. But not actual tron jumpsuits, the kind your mom would make you when you were 8 and you told her you wanted to be "a tron" for Halloween. There's a string of lights taped to black clothing.
-They start singing "I've Gotta Feeling", which is a song I don't particularly like. Little did I know this would be the high point of the show. Also, they aren't singing in time with their backing track.
-Part way through the song, the four peas(Fergie, Wi.l.ia.m.,, and that other guy whos name nobody knows) take turns singing their various solos. When Fergie goes to sing hers, the sound guy forgets to turn on her mic. Fergie's rap also includes the line "I'm so 2008", which I would tend to agree with.
-The crowd of people "enjoying" the show seem far more choreographed than actual fans would be. It becomes clear later that these are just dancers paid to "like the show" in unison. And to their credit, far better dancers than the mooks on stage.
-Everyone gets one solo segment, except Fergie, who gets three.
-Slash inexplicably comes out of the stage and starts playing "Sweet Child of Mine" while Fergie sings. I never thought I'd say this, but I find myself wishing desperately it was Axl Rose singing instead.
-I also find myself wondering if it's more difficult to play guitar when the singer is straight up dry humping you the whole time, which is another problem we didn't have when Guns 'n' Roses were together.
-Third note about Slash: He's not wearing his signature Top Hat, but instead a bedazzled top hat to "match" the Tron motif they're sort of doing.
-Then Dick Dale's Misrilou comes on, and the Black Eyed Peas start yelling over it phrases such as "check it out" and "louder". Is this what passes for talent these days? Repeating phrase over other people music?
-What the hell is on's head? It looks like he has a plastic shell to protect his hair from rain.
-Transition to "Lets Get It Started". There's a scene in Hot Tub Time Machine where a guy's band covers this song. That's sort of what this feels like, only the people covering this song in the movie had talent. Lets Get It Started is one of the few Black Eyed Peas songs I don't totally hate, but this version of it was abysmal.
-Usher comes on stage just to dance around.
-Usher jumps over .wi.ll..i.a..m's head and lands in the splits. Okay, I'll concede. That was kinda cool.
-The peas come back on to sing "Where is the Love". The stage has been reconfigured to be the shape of the word "Love", but part of the V is not lighting up so it looks like "Lol.E"
-In the middle of "Where is the Love", ..........william... changes the lyrics so it is now a song about how Obama's doing a bad job as president. News flash, dude: you're standing on a "lol.E" stage. You don't get to criticize anyone for doing poorly at their job.
-They start singing that "Time of my Life" song from "Dirty Dancing" only this time its singing it to Fergie. Josh Duhamel is going to be PISSED.
-All the backup dancers on stage put boxes on their heads. I was going to put a second sentence here with a joke, but the best joke I could come up with was "All the backup dancers put boxes on their heads." Seemed redundant.
-The "fans" on the field do some synchronized dancing that once again upstages the black eyed peas
-They sing "I've gotta feeling" AGAIN. It's a 12 minute set and they have so little material they have recycle from earlier in the show. This time there's box people though, so it's different, I guess.

The show ends with somebody saying "That was MEGA."

I disagree.


Umi said...

I guess you also missed the middle section of the horizontal part of the "L" in Lo\ e was also out.

The Blackeyed Peas don't normally suck that bad... granted, some their shit is ripped off from older songs or beats running in the background. Most of their songs are auto-tuned any way.

The people who should be shot are the sound and light people. Whoever was behind the "extras" dance choreograph should get a raise because it was the best part of the show... besides the ending (being over with).

Matt said...

That is all.