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Sunday, February 28, 2010


...Far Cry is a bad movie.

Despite being Uwe Boll's most accurate adaptation to date, it still feels incredibly dissimilar to the game I played.

For those of you unfamiliar with the game, it tells the story of Jack Carver, a war vet badass who now runs a charter boat. He is hired by a reporter to take her to a remote island. Immediately after she leaves to go ashore, his boat is blown up (this all happens in the opening cutscene). As he investigates, he discovers a sinister science operation experimenting on humans to create mutant supersoldiers.

Here is the shocking part: That all actually happens in the movie!

However, that doesn't mean the movie is at all similar to the game. There's a half hour of useless exposition before the boat is destroyed. Then there's some decent action scenes. This is the point of the movie I began to have a small nugget of hope.

Unfortunately, the movie takes a left turn here. The two main characters find an abandoned shack, and despite having been pursued by men trying to kill them just moments ago, the decide the safe thing to do would be to strip mostly naked and get in bed together. This of course leads to them having sex, despite the fact that they had done nothing but argue the entire movie up to this point.

Then we get back into some plot/action, as they try to infiltrate the military base to steal a boat and make it off the island. This scene could have been good, but was full of pointless dialogue about whether or not Jack was good in bed. It could have been a bit funny as a throwaway line, but it continued throughout the movie.

Then the movie started to really suck. When Jack finds a boat, it's inhabited by "Emilio", a fat idiot who follows them around the rest of the movie. He has no purpose but "comedy relief". The problem is that Uwe Boll mixed up "funny" and "annoying". The guy continues around the movie making annoying comments that have no purpose but to encite a murderous rage in the audience.

The movie was bad. Really, really, bad. But unlike previous Boll flicks, this one had nuggets of decent filmmaking. The action scenes were pretty good, when nobody was talking; there were even hints of a cohesive story for the plot. But the pointless characters, bad acting, and aimless direction keep it from getting anywhere near the potential I saw.

So in a way, this the worst Boll movie, because it was disappointing. It could have been good, but in the end, it was just the same old terrible slop he normally makes.

Final Score:

So there's on YNTE Movie Night in the bank! Stay tuned for next month's flick!

Did you see it this month? Leave your thoughts below!

Saturday, February 27, 2010

I think Tom hates money

It's just kinda gonna get wasted away, like the picture above. Except while in reality, it's just another $10 that will be staying in Evan's bank account... oh who're we kidding, it will get spent on a pizza.

Also, in searching for a good picture, I once again question Google's image search. I typed in "angry money" as the search, and could have gotten these as other possible results:

Oh my god Bear is angry. How can this be?

Worse than Far Cry?

So, I didn't get a chance to watch Far Cry this month. (Sorry Evan)

So instead I present to you Internet: The Movie, something that may be equally bad or much, much worse! Or more entertaining, depending on how much alcohol and drugs have been consumed. In any case, aliens are about to teach you how to use Netscape Navigator.

Also, in light of the fact that February is only 28 days, Tom won't be able to get his full amount this month.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Who is flying a plane?

Oh my god, bear is flying a plane! How can this.... oh wait, he's just destroying it for food.

So close!

Fortunately, the pilot was able to repair the plane enough to get it to fly... USING DUCT TAPE.

On a related note, remind me never to be a plane with food in it. Dag, yo.


The F-ing Weather

The Fucking Weather is pretty awesome. Remember all of those sites like (which unfortunately had its domain expire, much like, but not quite having ~30 women on the screen.)

Well it reminds me of those.

(Ok, so I guess a lot of my content lately has been putting You Need to Eat into search bars and stuff, or YNTE... But I've learned 2 things:

1. Via The Fucking Weather, the closest town in proximity to Pullman, WA that contains the characters "ynte" is Poyntelle, PA

2. Ynte is an actual name. There appear to be a lot of doctors with it. Our site should become a doctor)

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day, YNTE!

Happy Valentine's Day, if you celebrate such things. Otherwise, happy 1 month to Emerald City ComiCon!

Here's a picture of what I had for dinner. :)

Friday, February 12, 2010


Hey look, Matt is on a major news site! Since when has Bacon Today been considered major news? Since bacon has been delicious, that's when. Why didn't I post about it sooner? I was too lazy.

Alright, so here's the deal. John Madden comes up with the Turducken, which is a chicken wrapped in a duck wrapped in a turkey. Someone on the internet comes up with the Turbackonducken, which is a chicken wrapped in bacon wrapped in a duck wrapped in bacon wrapped in a turkey wrapped in bacon. And thus my friend went out of his way to make one.

It was delicious, by the way. Bacon is, after all, meat candy.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Dr Awesomepage

I was going to make a blog post, out of fairness, chastizing Pibb Xtra for also being incorrect. (It's spelled with an "E", dorks) However, while googling for a picture to go with this article, I found this site:

This is the single best collection of pdrepper and other similiar "doctor" sodas I have ever seen. And it is appalling how many of them are misspelled or improperly punctuated. Get with the program, soda makers! America* only wants to drink properly punctuated soda!

It's in Italian so I have NO IDEA what it says. If you speak Italian and the site insults your mother, I'm sorry for linking to it.

*Disclaimer: By "America", I pretty much just mean nerds in America. And often not even them.

The internet is doomed.

via ReadWriteWeb:
Earlier today, we had a runaway hit of a post that went viral within a few hours, getting unbelievable pageviews and hundreds of retweets and comments.

The trouble was, it wasn't because of the post's content. Due to some interesting SEO magic, the post was one of the first search results for the term "Facebook login." As a result, hundreds of confused readers bombed us with angry comments about how much they hated the "new Facebook," a.k.a. our Facebook Connect comment login.

There are people on the internet who, when attempting to get to facebook, google "facebook login", click on a news result, scroll past the banner and content of another site to get to a comment posting page, and then post angry comments because they think it will take them to facebook.

There are people who actually thought typing "I WANT THE OLD FAFEBOOK BACK THIS SHIT IS WACK!!!!!", "LIKED THE OLD FACEBOOK SING IN.............", or "OK can I long in now", it would take them to facebook. And these same people loudly and repeatedly decried the "new facebook" because they could not even imagine that they were doing something wrong.

These are the people using the internet. These are the people web designers (like myself) need to take into account when designing webpages. I have lost all hope for the internet.

YNTE Movie Night: February Edition

Today I am debuting a new feature I've had in my head for a while: YNTE Movie Night. The idea is that it's like a book club, only less lame. Everyone who wants to participate watches the same movie and then afterward we discuss it's merits.

However, with YNTE Movie Night, there likely won't be many merits: because I will be choosing exclusively BAD movies. Some may be so bad they're good, some may just be bad. I will have no way of knowing until I see them.

Participation is simple: just watch the movie before the end of the month. Then, write about how bad it is and if it had any redemptive qualities or if it could have been improved if it were created by raccoons. If you're a contributor to the site, just post it up! If not, drop your review in a comment or email to and I'll parse them all together and post it. This is an opportunity for readers of the blog to become writers of the blog. Pretty cool!

That being said, say something interesting, or I won't post it.

Without any further ado, this months TERRIBLE movie:Far Cry, by Uwe Boll.

Uwe Boll has a history of taking beloved video game franchises and turning them into TERRIBLE movies. His filmmaking style basically revolves around somebody explaining a video game to him in 7 words or less and he makes up the rest of the details. For example, Bloodrayne (the game) could be described as "Half-Human, half vampire chick, who fights nazis" Unfortunately, that was 8 words, so based on the first 7 he set it in the dark ages and it makes no sense at all.

The plot for Far Cry is "Man on an island with a gun". How can that go wrong?

Luckily, here in America, Far Cry got the straight to DVD treatment.

But it remains to be seen: will this be so bad, so removed from the source material it will be funny? Or just painfully bad? You decide on YNTE Move Night!

EDIT: I just checked, and for those of you with Netfilx, it is available through Instant Streaming.

Monday, February 8, 2010

I didn't watch the Super Bowl...

...because, who cares about football? Certainly not me. I did have beer and six-layer dip.

But this also means I didn't watch the ads. Were any of them worth looking up?

Also feel free to comment on how old the Who looked at halftime.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

This game sounds rad

Rose: "In this game your horse-breeding farm is animated in a fantasy surroundings. The game enables you to breed legendary horses such as Pegasus, Unicorn, Fire-steed, Ice-steed and Demon-steed."
Evan: what game is this?
it sounds legendary
Rose: "Secret of the Magic Crystals"
On sale for $6.99 today on Steam !!!
Evan: wa wa we wow!
why are you talking to me and NOT BUYING THAT RIGHT NOW?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Take this chief.

Yeah, that's right. I'm going to actually contribute something, Evan.
I stood by while you silently insulted me by not including me in the competition, but no more!
I mean, unconscious? That just hurts.

So for you, Evan, I have gotten something the blog has been lacking for quite a long time....


And not just any old car driving bear! One with swords for teeth and driving a dumptruck of all things!
If this isn't a safety hazard on a construction site I'm not sure what it is. But all credit is due to the creator of The Oatmeal, because nothing is cooler than this.

See what you're missing from Jimmy and the Hammer? Driving bears. Now that I've taught you in comics I think I'm good.

See Evan, a post with words and everything. Now change my damn title. Who's the master sergeant now?

Congratulations to the "new" Editor-In-Chief!

I changed the sidebar up a bit, removing some of the old bits and modifying others. You may notice I changed the "About Us" Section to "YNTE Staff" and gave us all titles.

So congratulations to me for being named Editor-In-Chief! I may not be king of the blog, but at least I have a title. I figured that since any given month I produced 60-100% of the content, and I'm the one "signing" the "paychecks", it was fair.

Steve and Tom, your titles can be improved if you actually start contributing.

Let me know if anyone wants their links changed or anything.

Also, did I leave anything out on the "popular memes" sidebar?

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Ouch, so close!

Check this out! Tom ALMOST posted last month!

He managed to type a title: "Please excuse me, but is that your elbow in my soup?"

He only forgot to type the rest of the post. And then he forgot to click "Publish". He almost had it!

Was there an elbow in his soup? The world may never know.

We are the only cool people on the internet.

In case there was any confusion, we created it...

Nobody else is cool enough to talk about adsjfhpiouczvn;alerth, only us.

Also, this time Matt is King of the Blog. Damn it, Google! WHY CAN'T I BE KING?

It has to stand for SOMETHING.

Yet another combo meme. Pretty happy with how my alterations turned out. No idea why I spent my time on this and not my actual webcomic.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Best of Both Worlds

We like YNTE meme, and we like our new adsjfhpiouczvn;alerth meme, and we like comic books. So, it's only obvious that I blend all three of these together. Our two favorite memes in comic book style! Hell, there are even children in here. The only thing it's lacking is a boy with long hairs and/or a bear.

Not to mention that the children in this photo are creepy.

Also, on another topic:

Matt: I'll bet you ten of Tom's Dollars that he didn't post last month
Evan: he sure didn't
Evan: the real question is if he will post at all this year
Matt: I think we should just keep giving him crap until he does
Evan: that's the plan
Evan: if money doesn't motivate him to post, maybe shame will

It makes more sense than most Coldplay songs.

It's funny because all Coldplay songs are terrible gibberish. Get it?

January Roundup

I made graphs:

The first graph tells us a few things:

1) Matt made his 5 post quota; Tom failed to in the most remarkable way possible. Therefore, Matt's maximum take remains at 50 bucks. Tom's is down to 40. Evan, with his 10 posts now has a maximum take of -90.

2) Matt has 6 posts. This means that I passed his