YNTE Movie Night: Sharktopus

I promised I'd watch those 5 "monsters eating bikini babes" movies by now, didn't I?

I'll get to them all... eventually. But I got a bit sidetracked and thus far, I've only seen one of them. But boy was it a classic.

I saw "Sharktopus", and it was exactly the movie you would expect it to be with that title.

Sure, the sharktopus is contantly changing size (one scene has him about the size of a person, another larger than a ship). Sure, his attributes change (by the end of the movie he has completely left the ocean and is cheezing around on dry land). But if you're willing to suspend your disbelief over the fact that the monster is a giant Shark-Octopus hybrid, these are really minor considerations.

This is a movie where EVERY character (yes, even the genetic scientists who created the sharktopus in the first place) are vacuous idiots. And most of them get eaten, stabbed, or torn apart. There's even one part at the end where the main character sets down his gun to poke the sharktopus with a big stick. Yes, that happened.

So it sounds like a slam dunk, right? Well I did have one major problem with the film. Let me explain:

A relatively in-shape human male has "six-pack" abs. Really in-shape guys will sometimes have "8-pack abs". Regardless of the number, they always come in matched, even, pairs, right?

Wrong.



The main character has disgustingly mismatched abs, and it's hella distracting. And he prances about the whole movie with his shirt open. BUTTON UP, FELLA. THE BUTTONS ARE THERE FOR A REASON.

I wanted to see a movie about a shark-octopus hybrid, not some mismatched FREAKSHOW. For Shame!

All in all, though, an enjoyable (though objectively not very good) movie. IF you can stand the abs.

YNTE Movie Night: Time to settle this!

There's a certain type of horror movie that I am a fan of: the Aquatic Disaster film. A film where a bunch of drunk college students, normally on spring break, get killed one by one by some sort of sea monster, normally a shark. It's bimboes in bikinis getting eaten. What's better than that?

Do these movies have complex plots or good acting? Absolutely not. All of them are objectively terrible. But, like so many other films that have been the subject of YNTE Movie Night, they're so bad they're extremely enjoyable.

For years, the reigning champ of the Aquatic Disaster genre was the made for TV "Spring Break Shark Attack". I was searching for a trailer to give you a taste of this cinema classic, but youtube didn't have one. However, somebody did upload the entire movie, and whoever owns the rights to the film didn't care enough to have it pulled, which should be an indicator of how much effort went into this film. Here's part one:



Good stuff, right? I thought no movie could ever be as good as that, and maybe I was right. But 4 films have come to my attention that could be challengers to the throne. They are:

1) Piranha 3d


2) SyFy Channel's Sharktopus


3) The Asylum's Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus


4) The Asylum's Mega Piranha


So, between now and the end of the year (or until Piranha 3D comes out on DVD), I will watch all 5 of these films and determine, once and for all determine what the best Aquatic Monster Disaster film of all time is.

But how much fun would it be if I did this by myself? You can help! Simply watch one or more of these movies, write up a review, email it to evan@jimmyandthehammer.com and I'll post them all up here in the ultimate showdown. A winner will be crowned.