SHOCKING NEWS...

...Far Cry is a bad movie.

Despite being Uwe Boll's most accurate adaptation to date, it still feels incredibly dissimilar to the game I played.

For those of you unfamiliar with the game, it tells the story of Jack Carver, a war vet badass who now runs a charter boat. He is hired by a reporter to take her to a remote island. Immediately after she leaves to go ashore, his boat is blown up (this all happens in the opening cutscene). As he investigates, he discovers a sinister science operation experimenting on humans to create mutant supersoldiers.

Here is the shocking part: That all actually happens in the movie!

However, that doesn't mean the movie is at all similar to the game. There's a half hour of useless exposition before the boat is destroyed. Then there's some decent action scenes. This is the point of the movie I began to have a small nugget of hope.

Unfortunately, the movie takes a left turn here. The two main characters find an abandoned shack, and despite having been pursued by men trying to kill them just moments ago, the decide the safe thing to do would be to strip mostly naked and get in bed together. This of course leads to them having sex, despite the fact that they had done nothing but argue the entire movie up to this point.

Then we get back into some plot/action, as they try to infiltrate the military base to steal a boat and make it off the island. This scene could have been good, but was full of pointless dialogue about whether or not Jack was good in bed. It could have been a bit funny as a throwaway line, but it continued throughout the movie.

Then the movie started to really suck. When Jack finds a boat, it's inhabited by "Emilio", a fat idiot who follows them around the rest of the movie. He has no purpose but "comedy relief". The problem is that Uwe Boll mixed up "funny" and "annoying". The guy continues around the movie making annoying comments that have no purpose but to encite a murderous rage in the audience.

The movie was bad. Really, really, bad. But unlike previous Boll flicks, this one had nuggets of decent filmmaking. The action scenes were pretty good, when nobody was talking; there were even hints of a cohesive story for the plot. But the pointless characters, bad acting, and aimless direction keep it from getting anywhere near the potential I saw.

So in a way, this the worst Boll movie, because it was disappointing. It could have been good, but in the end, it was just the same old terrible slop he normally makes.

Final Score:
D--

So there's on YNTE Movie Night in the bank! Stay tuned for next month's flick!

Did you see it this month? Leave your thoughts below!

YNTE Movie Night: February Edition

Today I am debuting a new feature I've had in my head for a while: YNTE Movie Night. The idea is that it's like a book club, only less lame. Everyone who wants to participate watches the same movie and then afterward we discuss it's merits.

However, with YNTE Movie Night, there likely won't be many merits: because I will be choosing exclusively BAD movies. Some may be so bad they're good, some may just be bad. I will have no way of knowing until I see them.

Participation is simple: just watch the movie before the end of the month. Then, write about how bad it is and if it had any redemptive qualities or if it could have been improved if it were created by raccoons. If you're a contributor to the site, just post it up! If not, drop your review in a comment or email to evan@jimmyandthehammer.com and I'll parse them all together and post it. This is an opportunity for readers of the blog to become writers of the blog. Pretty cool!

That being said, say something interesting, or I won't post it.

Without any further ado, this months TERRIBLE movie:Far Cry, by Uwe Boll.

Uwe Boll has a history of taking beloved video game franchises and turning them into TERRIBLE movies. His filmmaking style basically revolves around somebody explaining a video game to him in 7 words or less and he makes up the rest of the details. For example, Bloodrayne (the game) could be described as "Half-Human, half vampire chick, who fights nazis" Unfortunately, that was 8 words, so based on the first 7 he set it in the dark ages and it makes no sense at all.

The plot for Far Cry is "Man on an island with a gun". How can that go wrong?

Luckily, here in America, Far Cry got the straight to DVD treatment.

But it remains to be seen: will this be so bad, so removed from the source material it will be funny? Or just painfully bad? You decide on YNTE Move Night!

EDIT: I just checked, and for those of you with Netfilx, it is available through Instant Streaming.