Fast Humor

So I'm not sure about you guys, but I've always been a fan of when fast food chains decide to be humorous. I don't want them to be inspirational, like say:

No, screw that. I go there to get a burger, not to fly a kite with my multicultural team of imagined inspiration and togetherness. That's why I like Burger King's old "Have it your way" campaign, where they just put a bunch of random stuff on all of their containers. Remember that? Here's a refresher, a sticker they put on their doors:

Well to my delight, I was at taco bell a while back, and I got this one jumbo XXL something something box deal. And after consuming most of my meal, I was examining the box and found this little gem on the bottom:

Why don't more places do this?

I Don't Know, I'm Not a Doctor: Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 4 - The Firemaker

First things first, if you want to watch along, the episode I'm reviewing is available from Amazon. Additionally, a lot of these old Doctor Who episodes are available on YouTube or on services such as Netflix. I encourage you to watch along with me and leave your thoughts in the comments!

Secondly, a big spoiler warning for anything I say after this sentence. I'm not sure if it's still common courtesy to put spoiler warnings on content that is almost 50 years old, but I'm going to air on the side of caution.

Disclaimers out of the way, lets watch some Who!

Serial 1: An Unearthly Child
Part 4: The Firemaker (1963)
Starring: Doctor 1 - William Hartnell

Quick recap: The doctor and his inappropriately young female companion have traveled back in time to caveman days with two unsuspecting teachers. The cavemen are in a battle over which useless twat will be the leader of the tribe, Za, the idiot son of the former leader, or Kal, the last surviving member of another tribe. It's generally accepted that whichever of the two gets fire will rule the tribe. Za captures the companions to get them to make fire, but they escape and then inexplicably team-up with him. The whole group gets recaptured by Kal, who has just murdered an old lady and framed Za for it.

Ka's frame-up job is believed by pretty much everyone blindly, but once the doctor shows even the slightest amount of scrutiny to it, the whole thing falls apart. He points out that Za's knife, which supposedly just stabbed a lady to death, has no blood on it. He then begins to compliment what an awesome knife it is (it's a rock). Kal decides he'd rather be known as a murderer than someone with a subpar kniferock, so he busts out the murder weapon to show just how effective it can be. The companions, who just last episode were so kind as to stop and help Za out of "kindness" now incite the tribe to stone Kal.

Za thanks the companions for reasserting his leadership for him the only way he knows how - by RE-recapturing and putting them back into the Cave of Skulls. And, despite the fact that these people escaped from this very cave earlier that same day, they aren't bound or restrained in any way, leaving them completely free to re-escape.

They don't re-escape though. They decide that since the tribe had treated them so well thus far to do the tribe a solid and make fire for them anyway; and when i say "they" make fire, I mean Ian does all the work while the women sit nearby "helping" while the doctor pouts in a corner refusing to be any part of it.

Za enters the cave and once again flip-flops on his relationship with them, even going so far as to HILARIOUSLY confuse that Ian's name is "Friend". Get it? It's funny because... well I'm sure it's funny somehow.

Then Kal breaks into the cave, and, in a fight that looks more like the first day of junior high wrestling practice than a deathmatch, gets killed by Za.

Za continues to not let them leave though, so they devise an escape plan. The pick up some skulls from the cave floor, mount them on torches, and set these up around the campfire, assuming of course that the cavemen will mistake skulltorches for dead bodies. Then they sneak out somehow.

Despite this being probably the worst plan I have EVER heard, it totally works somehow. The cavemen cry over the flaming, bodiless corpses, and the gang sneaks away. The cavemen remain enthralled until one of the skulltorches falls over and the illusion is ruined. A vertical torch with a skull on it totally looks like a human corpse, but horizontal? Don't be ridiculous.

The cavemen chase after the group, but the group reaches the TARDIS in time and makes a blind jump. They can't just go back to 1963 because A) the TARDIS is malfunctioning, and B) the doctor's a dick. The land in some weird swampy area, which I'm sure we'll learn where and when they are next week. The doctor asks Susan to check the radiation levels, which are fine, until she looks away and they jump to MAXIMUM DEATH.

That's it for Episode 4, and with it Serial 1! Check back soon for more Who!


Miss one? Check out our previous episodes below:
Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 3 - The Forest of Fear
Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 2 - The Cave of Skulls
Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 1 - An Unearthly Child
Introduction

YNTE Move Night - The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

My movie reviews of late have gotten a bit verbose, So I'm going to do this review in haiku:

No English at all
Too long and pacing is slow
Lots of rape; still good

Hopefully you now know if you want to see it.

Politics are FUN!

I normally try to keep the blog pretty apolitical. But sometimes a story comes along that is TOO GOOD to ignore.

Right now Pierce County is having an election to determine whether it wants to keep paying for Public Transportation. Here are both campaign's signs:

Put simply, it is SOB vs. WTF. Was this campaign organized by 12-year-olds?

Tabasco gets a fancy ad?

Don't get me wrong, Tabasco is delicious and makes a lot of things (like food) better. Even taste better! But I noticed our usual Adsense adverts are replaced with Tabasco's Twitter feed. And yet it still says "Ads by Google" on the thing, so either Adsense is becoming more targeted or Evan struck a deal with the hot sauce masterminds. Does this mean we get paid more?

Anyway, it just seems so... appropriate. Also probably meta, somehow.

Edit: I guess it's just regular old boring Adsense ads if you're viewing a single post. I was almost hoping I could see a twitter feed on our blog on every page!

Razzie Nominations Announced!

Yikes. 2010 was a bad year for movies. This is probably the most competitive field for Worst Picture I've seen.

2010 Razzie Nominations for Worst Picture
The Bounty Hunter
The Last Airbender
Sex and the City 2
Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Vampires Suck

If you're not a 12 year old girl, you probably agree with me that the Twilight franchise is terrible. What you may not know, is that it is essentially a trilogy's worth of story. There was the first book and second book, but instead of making the last book, there's an extra book first of filler material. While the 4th book has vampire C-Sections and werewolves dating babies, this is the part of the saga where people just sit around and wait. So while the whole franchise is repugnant, this film has the added sin of being boring.

Then there's Vampires Suck, a "parody" of Twilight. It's brought to you by the folks who brought you such AWESOME pictures as Scary Movie 3, Date Movie, and Epic Movie. These "parody" films are basically the lowest, most obvious, form of humor. Their "parody" of Napoleon Dynamite, for example, had a character wearing a shirt that said "DON'T vote for Pedro". Get it? It's the opposite! Their filmmaking style has been described as "the cinematic equivalent of peeing and missing the toilet by a good three feet". While these people have a track record of taking good movies and making terrible versions of them, I shudder to think what would result when the source material is as horrendous as Twilight.

Also, there's The Last Airbender. I reviewed it here, but let me repeat the summary: this is the single worst movie I have ever seen. WORST EVER.

I suspect, however, that if I had seen Sex and the City 2 though, it might take the top spot. Everything that needs to be said about this film has been said in Lindy West's review: "SATC2 takes everything that I hold dear as a woman and as a human—working hard, contributing to society, not being an entitled cunt like it's my job—and rapes it to death with a stiletto that costs more than my car".

Any other year, any one of these would be a runaway winner (loser?) but this year, man, I just don't know. Too close to call!

Pizza on the cheap

I came across this article while browsing Life-Hacker today. The idea seems interesting, but I'm not sure how well these pizzas will turn out. This week I will try to come up with a recipe of my own for making pizza on the cheap and tasty. Maybe this coming Friday I'll have a pizza and booze party?

http://centstoshare.com/2011/01/how-to-make-pizza-for-38-cents/

I Don't Know, I'm Not a Doctor: Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 3 - The Forest of Fear

First things first, if you want to watch along, the episode I'm reviewing is available from Amazon. Additionally, a lot of these old Doctor Who episodes are available on YouTube or on services such as Netflix. I encourage you to watch along with me and leave your thoughts in the comments!

Secondly, a big spoiler warning for anything I say after this sentence. I'm not sure if it's still common courtesy to put spoiler warnings on content that is almost 50 years old, but I'm going to air on the side of caution.

Disclaimers out of the way, lets watch some Who!

Serial 1: An Unearthly Child
Part 3: The Forest of Fear (1963)
Starring: Doctor 1 - William Hartnell

You may recall from last week, that our time travelers have been trapped in a cave by mean cavemen who want to crack their skulls open. If you don't recall that, they remind you at the top of the episode with repeated footage from last week.

The time travelers of course attempt feverishly to escape, except Dr. Who, who just sits there and whines about how they're all doomed. When they finally convince him to shut up and help he returns to his old douchey self, this time lecturing the adults on HOPE, something he had none of mere seconds before.

Za (the useless leader of the cavemen) wakes up and realizes the old crazy lady is off to kill the travelers. Even though killing them was his plan, he wants everyone else to be as useless as him so he decides to take action to stop this. He then hits his ladyfriend to prove his point. Multiple times.

It turns out though, that the old lady isn't trying to kill them after all. She sets the companions free on one condition: that they leave without giving the cavemen (who had just decided to murder them) fire. Since this was pretty much their plan all along, they agree and cheese it out the cave.

Za then busts in the cave, and is furious that the people he just decided not to murder weren't murdered. He takes out his aggression by beating up the old lady and then monologuing while she moans in pain on the floor. Apparently earlier when I called him useless, I was wrong. He's useless at everything BUT brutality toward women. At least he has his specialty!

As the gang flees the cave, the Doctor chastises the others, both for marching him too hard since he is a weak old man, and for treating him as though he is weaker than the others. Then there are "scary" animal sounds. Barbara (the lady teacher) sees a dead animal and screams in terror.

Za, hears the scream of a woman and chases after her, presumably because he wants to beat her up. Unfortunately, the animal noises attack him. At least, I'm assuming they attack him, since all the action happens offscreen. It may have been a mating ritual.

Now, if I were being chased by a caveman who may or may not want to murder me and beat up my women, and he was attacked by sound incarnate, I would count that as a good thing and keep going onward to my imminent escape. That would be the logical thing to do. So of course, instead, they do something inexplicable and batshit crazy. The go back to the caveman and attempt to nurse him back to health.

(fun side note: blogger is telling me I misspelled "batshit" because it's not in its internal dictionary. I left it in because "guano crazy" just didn't have the same ring to it.)

The doctor begins complaining, this time with good reason since there's no logical explanation as to why they should be doing what they are. He stubbornly refuses to help, even uttering the phrase "I'm not a doctor" at one point. CLASSIC.

Since they are ignoring the obvious threat right in front of them, they need something else to worry about, something insane. So they decide to worry about the crazy old lady, the one who helped them escape because she just wanted them to leave; the one unconscious on a cave floor. They worry that she will wake up and bring the tribe out to capture them all. When confronted about the logic of these fears Doctor Who explains that cavemen don't have logic or reason, which actually explains a lot of what has gone on so far.

Also, the doctor, in a tantrum that nobody is listening to him, decides that killing Za is the best way to prove his point, even though Za is friendly at this point. He picks up a sharp rock, makes a not at all subtle stabbing motion, and when he gets caught blatantly attempting to kill a dude, plays it off like nothing happend. This is generally accepted by the group and he goes back to sulking.

Sadly, their worst fears have come true. The old lady tells Kal (Za's rival) everything she knows so he can go capture them. Then, because he wants to prove he's better than Za at everything, decides to not just beat her, but kill her. He pins the whole thing on Za and elects himself leader of the tribe. Then, using a magic shortcut, Kal and the other cavemen arrive at the T.A.R.D.I.S. before the protagonists. Kal has them captured and then makes a mean face.

That's what is so compelling about this show so far. It keeps you guessing! Any thing that could happen, and logically would, doesn't and something you would have never thought of because it makes no sense at all happens instead! It's so exciting!

That's it for episode 3! Check back soon for more Who!


Miss one? Check out our previous episodes below:
Episode 2 - The Cave of Skulls
Episode 1 - An Unearthly Child
Introduction

Evan's Horrible Product Name Contest Prize

Evan received his prize of pizza and bread sticks on Wednesday.

I would also like to thank everyone that participated. I didn't know if the contest would actually work. Also, I learned that I should actually make some rules for a contest.

These are suppossed to be horizontal, I think.

This is what greeted me when I came home yesterday:

None of my neighbors saw/heard it happen. Bets on how long until they get fixed?

Until then, probably not a great time to send me snail mail. At least I'm not expecting important tax forms!

I won!

I actually had a lot of fun with the contest, and as such, I am turning it into a regular event here at YNTE. Next month, I, as the winner of this months contest, will create the rules (and provide the prize) for next month's contest. This pattern will continue all year until the end of the year, when the points will be tallied and a yearlong winner will win a super special prize provided by me.

I want you all to know that I accepted this award with humility and grace. Upon realizing I'd won, I contacted my opponents and congratulated them on a contest well run. I believe my exact words were:

SUCK FAILURE FREAK
I KICKED YOUR ASS UP DOWN AND SIDEWAYS

Though with Umi, I added a nice little bit on the end:

now you owe me a tasty prize

I'm a classy guy like that. I will see you in February with a new contest!

Winner - Horrible product name for a good invention

It is I, the Rule Czar, with my first post EVER! You will find that I like caps lock. Also referring to obscure lines from movies in a way that only I and a few others find hilarious. Posting privileges have been bestowed upon me so that I may hand down decrees from on high, rather than just give little notes in the mostly-neglected comment section. I intend to immediately abuse my privilege and go mad with power. MAD, I TELL YOU!

Anyways. Without further ado, I shall reveal the winner of the Horrible Product Name contest! Hopefully Umi has rustled up a worthy prize, because the winner is....(drumroll)...

Evan, with his submission of i.Beat blaxx! Take a bow, Evan, because that name is truly heinous.

To everyone else, thanks for playing, and maybe we'll have a new contest next month, because this was fun.

Horrible product name for a good invention - last chance!

REMINDER: The "Horrible product name for a good invention" contest ends tonight at midnight! Get your last minute entries in now!

Full rules here.

I Don't Know, I'm Not a Doctor: Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 2 - The Cave of Skulls

First things first, if you want to watch along, the episode I'm reviewing is available from Amazon. Additionally, a lot of these old Doctor Who episodes are available on YouTube or on services such as Netflix. I encourage you to watch along with me and leave your thoughts in the comments!

Secondly, a big spoiler warning for anything I say after this sentence. I'm not sure if it's still common courtesy to put spoiler warnings on content that is almost 50 years old, but I'm going to air on the side of caution.

Disclaimers out of the way, lets watch some Who!

Serial 1: An Unearthly Child
Part 2: The Cave of Skulls (1963)
Starring: Doctor 1 - William Hartnell

Now that the series' four main characters (the doctor, annoying girl, man teacher and lady teacher - they all have names, but I have already forgotten them) have been introduced, and some conflict has been set up amongst them, and the audience is beginning to become interested in them, the show does the only logical thing it could do at this point: it ignores them almost entirely to focus instead on caveman politics.

You see, Za (it's a bit of a sad commentary that I remember the cavemen's names, but not the protagonists', but mainly its the annoying bit that the cavemen talk only in 3rd person) is the current leader. He is the son of the former leader, who was able to hunt and make fires. Za can't make fire, and wastes all his time attempting in vain to start one (by rubbing his hands against a bone). There's another dude, Kal, who is an outcast from another tribe, who is consistently hunting and bringing the tribe food. Some people want to make Kal the leader since he actually does shit for them, but Za insists that "the firemaker is the leader" despite the fact that he cannot actually make fire, or do anything else useful.

Upping the ante is an old man who will whore out his presumably desirable daughter to the leader. She seems to like Za, despite him being fucking USELESS. There's also a crazy lady who's convinced fire will kill them all and they should freeze to death instead.

I only go into this much detail about the caveman politics because the show spends most of an episode setting this up, so it MUST be important.

In one of the rare moments where we actually get to see the series regulars, the doctor splits off by himself to have a smoke, when he is immediately captured by Kal who sees him light a match and is convinced that the doctor has "fire hands". Kal brings the doctor back to camp. There's some more arguing over who should be leader, since Kal is now clearly much more suited to be.

The doctor's companions then stage the most poorly planned rescue attempt ever. I'm assuming it was poorly planned, there wasn't time to show the planning amongst all the caveman politics. But unless their plan was "get captured immediately", it was at the very least poorly executed.

Za decides, in his first real act of true leadership, to swallow his pride and allow these strangers to show him how to make fire, for the good of the tribe. JUST KIDDING! He orders them to be killed, but not right away. Much better to tie them up in a cave and go to bed. Nothing wrong with that plan!

They spend the last 10 seconds of the episode in the titular Cave of Skulls. To drive the point home, somebody's like "Hey look, some skulls! From DEAD PEOPLE."

That's it for episode 2! Check back soon for more Who!


Miss one? Check out our previous episodes below:
Episode 1 - An Unearthly Child
Introduction

Horrible product name for a good invention - take 2!

You will notice there is no rule stating one entry per person. As such, here is my second entry.

Research in Motion, the company behind Blackberry, has just created a new Careers page for those looking to apply for a position in the company. The URL? http://rim.jobs

The URL probably already got pulled, honestly I'm scared to look. But I assure you, this actually happened.

I realize the contest is for "horrible product name for a good invention", and a careers page on a website is really nothing new. But it's a pretty horrible name, and maybe that will propel me to the prize.

YNTE Horror Night: Jason Goes to Hell - The Final Friday

Welcome to YNTE Horror Night, a spinoff series of YNTE Movie Night following the success of my review of Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. I'm going to stick with Friday the 13th for now, continuing where I left off, but expect me to go back and get those first 7 eventually, as well as branching out into other horror franchises. As always, tons of spoilers ahead. You've been warned!

Before we get into the plot of this movie, a bit of background on the eight movies that came before: Jason Vorhees drowned as a child at summer camp; now as a an adult he murders promiscuous teens around the site of his death.

The original Friday was intended as a one off, then it was expanded and the third film was going to be the last. Then they made a 4th movie entitled "The Final Chapter". So not only has Jason been "killed" before, he's also been "no seriously guys he's really dead forever this time killed" before and always seems to recover. So, since this was intended to be the last Friday the 13th ever (it wasn't), the filmmakers had to come up with a way to make sure he was "those other times we said he was really dead we were just kidding but not this time, this time he's super dead and can't ever not be super dead he will never be back again why don't you believe us killed".

All of this leads to a wacky, disturbing, and more than a little over the top Friday the 13th film unlike any other. It's unique not only because it changed a lot of the core tenets of the franchise, but also because all films after it knew better and changed them back.

If you recall the end of the last movie, it had Jason drowned (again!) and reverted magically back into a child in a New York sewer. This movie flat out ignores this and starts with Jason as an adult, very much alive, and back to killing nekkid ladiez at Crystal Lake.

Unfortunately for Jason, the first nekkid lady he runs into happens to be a government agent laying a trap for him. She flees to the woods, and when he chases her, a bunch of other agents jump out of the bushes and shoot him a bunch. Then they bring in some bombs and blow him to smithereens.

During the autopsy of the smithereens, Jason's black heart (not hyperbole, it's literally black and slimy) starts to beat again. The coroner, being a pro, does what any pro would do in that situation. He picks it up and starts eating it. Beams of light fly out of the corpse chunks and the coroner is possessed by Jason's soul. He then kills everyone in the hospital and cheeses it out of the building.

That's right, Jason is absent for most of the film, instead possessing various bodies with black slime, light beams, and a parasitic snake demon to do his dirty work.

We are introduced to Creighton Duke, a bounty hunter who somehow knows exactly how to kill Jason, for permanentsies! Apparently the worm demon can't survive in a single body for any period of time, so it needs to keep killing to survive. However, if it bonds with a member of the Vorhees family, Jason will be reborn back into his former body at full strength and will be unkillable. But if a Vorhees kills him, it will kill the worm demon and he will stay dead.

Thus, Jason's main goal this movie has shifted from killing random slutty teens to killing his family, characters who have not been involved in the franchise at all until this chapter. Apparently Jason has a sister (despite previously being referred to as an only child). Jason's sister (Diana) has a daughter (Jessica) who in turn had a baby with a schmuck (Steven) who inexplicably becomes the action hero main character. However, Jessica is no longer dating the schmuck and is instead dating a famous TV reporter d-bag.

Jason (via various possessed bodies) decides to kill some teens by the lake for old time's sake then proceeds to his goal - his sister. There's a big fight, and Steven the schmuck steps in at the last moment and breaks it up. Jason gets away, but not before killing Diana (though not managing to posess her corpse). Cops show up and assume Steven is the killer, so he gets hauled off to jail.

Duke is also in jail, and tells Stephen everything he needs to know, but first breaks several of Stephen's fingers for no reason. Worried that Jason will be trying to kill Jessica or the Baby next to take their body, Stephen orchestrates a jailbreak to go rescue them. But first he goes to the old Vorhees house for some reason.

While there, he sees, and I am not making this up, the Necronomicon from the Evil Dead films. I check to see if I'm watching an official Friday the 13th film or reading bad internet fanfic, but alas this is real. Also there, he finds Diana's corpse, which the TV D-Bag had brought there to do a piece on how Jason is still killing or something. He then gets killed and possessed by Jason.

Jason, in her lover's body, goes to possess Jessica. Stephen arrives in the nick of time to kidnap her against her will. He then attempts to explain the whole thing to her, which she shrugs off as idiotic and insane, because, well, it is.

A this point there's a big long action piece where a bunch of minor characters die. It really does nothing to move the plot along. Stephen gets arrested again, and escapes again. Finally, there's a big climactic showdown back at the Vorhees house.

It's important that the climax takes place here because A) the power of the Necronomicon, coupled with a Vorhees causes the magical dagger from Evil Dead to appear. This is the only thing that can kill Jason (I swear I am not making this up). And B) Evil Demon Worm Jason finds his dead sister in the basement and crawls up her hoo-hah.

Completely reborn Jason comes back, complete with a hockey mask. Luckily, predictably, he gets stabbed with the magic dagger and gets drug down to hell, leaving only his hockey mask sitting in the dirt. Then, Freddy Kreuger's clawed hand comes out from the dirt and drags that down too, setting up the inevitable crossover.

None of the mystical elements were BAD per se, but they were SO out of place in a Friday the 13th film I had a hard time enjoying it. Coupled with all the fanboy nods riddled throughout the piece made me glad that this was the Final Friday...

...except that it wasn't! And I'll review those as well! See you next month!

Catch up on past installments:
Friday the 13th Part VII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Horrible Product Name for a Good Invention: The Bugzooka

Alright, so my product is a borderline As-Seen-On-TV type product. I could have done the Slap Chop, but the commercial is great; or the Eggstractor, but it's not really a great invention seeing that it explodes eggs; or Comfort Wipe. I don't need to get into details on that one. All you need to know is that people are terrible.

But this one is different. It's the Bugzooka. This one is just oozing badness all around. First of all, you liken the product in your mind to being a projectile of sorts, since you see the name and think of this:

But that's not how it works at all. It uses suction to bring bugs through a one-way door, instead of firing some projectile to splatter them against a wall. Secondly, it's not very flashy or complex, it's just a spring connected to an enclosed chamber with a button to release the spring to cause a small amount of suction. You could do the same job with a vacuum cleaner, and although the suction on one of those would be better, it'd be a pain in the ass to lug around just to get a spider off your walls. Lastly, their website doesn't really make the case well that this is a good product right off the bat.

But, I happen to have one, and let me tell you, it has caught plenty of spiders in my day. Living down in a basement can do that. All you need to do is push on the end until the spring locks in place, stand a safe distance from whatever pest you're trying to remove from your vicinity, and press the button to exile the thing from your floor or wall or wherever it is. The thing is, the device (usually) doesn't kill the bugs, it just sucks them up and you can remove the end of the device and observe them. Alternatively you can release the bugs into the wild. Here, let me show you...

Uhm... well, you CAN release the bugs into the wild... I guess. You just have to put your hand so damn close to them. These have been in here for months, maybe I should go toss these somewhere. Don't let any nature freaks/arachnophobes see this spider prison death camp, it might upset them.

BUT I DIGRESS. Basically, it keeps spiders the hell away from me by putting them in a clear plastic prison. And keeping spiders out of the range of anywhere close to me is something I can support.

This is Content

Evan: Dude, you need to step up your game

Evan: Umi is kicking your ass

Matt: dude, I'm making a post right now

Matt: talking about how you guys are kicking my ass

Evan: I've even written posts IN THE FUTURE already

Matt: while you were busy writing posts IN THE FUTURE

Matt: I was busy writing them IN THE PAST

Evan: WHOA

Evan: this is some crazy Bill and Ted shit right here

Matt: Excellent!

Horrible product name for a good invention - i.Beat blaxx

I accept Umi's contest challenge. My entry will be the "i.Beat blaxx" MP3 player.

German mp3 manufacturer TrekStor has a whole line of mp3 players in the i.Beat line. i.Beat blaxx was just a new, black mp3 player, following their i.Beat ________ naming structure.

Apparently someone noticed the problem, and it is now just named blaxx.

via listverse


The rules of the contest are as follows (since Umi didn't specify):
1) The contest will run one week, until January 17th, at midnight. Get your entries in before then!
2) If you aren't a writer for the blog, leave a comment in any of the entry posts.
3) Winner will be selected by the Rule Czar, and her ruling is FINAL. No heckling!
4) Prize will be supplied by Umi, and it had better be something GOOD.

Getting Back On Track

By the way, when the NASA scientists made their list of the top movies least likely to happen, I think they forgot about Battlefield Earth. Something tells me that's less likely to happen than 2012. Gigli got better reviews than this film.

Anyway, as you may or may not know I'm back in Pullman, fending off bears and classwork alike. And you guys made 7 posts in just 3 days? Now I feel like a slacker. I feel like I should be obliged to make a usual column of sorts. You know, classic YNTE's, or game reviews, or the "at least one crazy food item per month" sort of thing.

But this is a Democracy Evanocracy, so I think everyone Evan should get a say strike fear into my heart into what I should do regularly. So what would you guys like to see? Me ranting? Finding Google image searches? Incoherent rabble? Being able to have the right to edit posts again? There's so much potential, and so many directions you could push me towards.

Don't worry though, I'll finally get back into semi-regular posting as usual. Even if this one kinda felt like a big recap post of sorts. The Gauntlet shall be conquered once again this year.

I Don't Know, I'm Not a Doctor: Serial 1 - An Unearthly Child; Part 1 - An Unearthly Child

First things first, if you want to watch along, the episode I'm reviewing is available from Amazon. Additionally, a lot of these old Doctor Who episodes are available on YouTube (see below), in addition to services such as Netflix. I encourage you to watch along with me and leave your thoughts in the comments!

Secondly, a big spoiler warning for anything I say after this sentence. I'm not sure if it's still common courtesy to put spoiler warnings on content that is almost 50 years old, but I'm going to air on the side of caution.

Disclaimers out of the way, lets watch some Who!

Serial 1: An Unearthly Child
Part 1: An Unearthly Child (1963)
Starring: Doctor 1 - William Hartnell

One of the problems with reviewing old TV and movies is that what constituted compelling watching back then and what constitutes compelling watching now has changed. One of the main things that suffers from the change is pacing. Modern tv and film tend to get a lot more information conveyed much quicker than their older counterparts. However, "the classics" manage to stay relevant despite their slower pacing. Lets see how Doctor Who holds up:



They have, inexplicably, decided to start their program with literally TWO MINUTES of zooming in on a phone booth. I honestly can't imagine this was EVER compelling tv, and it certainly isn't now.

Luckily, after the two minute slow jam phone booth oogling, the show gets markedly better. Two teachers discuss a student who is inexplicably good at both science and history, as though she can travel through time. The only questions she ever gets wrong are ones where the answer will be different in the future, for example, the character in the show correctly predicts that Brittish currency will be on the decimal system in the future, and shortly after the show aired, they switched.

The teachers of course pick up on none of the not-at-all-subtle clues that this girl is a time traveller, and then proceed to do what any concerned teachers would do. They stalk her. They follow her to her home, which happens to be a junkyard.

It's at this point, halfway through the episode, that we first meet the titular doctor. Normally I'd begrudge a show for waiting so long without showing the protagonist, but in this case it makes sense because the doctor is kind of a dick. He spends the whole time berating and demeaning anyone who doesn't blindly believe in time travel. The teachers (rightfully so) believe that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, but apparently the doctor does not and treats them like disobedient 5 year olds.

Eventually the teachers decide the Doctor is a crazy person who is wholly unfit to be raising a child and decide to leave with the girl, however, before they can leave, the doctor, in a fit of douchery, zaps them all back in time. To CAVEMAN TIME.

That's it for the first episode! Check back soon for more Who!


Miss one? Check out our previous episodes below:
Introduction

Horrible product name for a good invention - Skunk Juice Earbuds

I'm not trying to cram a lot of posts into one day, I just have found a lot of interesting things to post about today. That being said, I have come up with a way to help everyone generate more posts for this month. We need to have a contest this month for the worst product name for a relatively good/decent invention.

My contribution to this contest will be Skunk Juice earbuds. You should watch the videos. They are mildly entertaining.

Zombie Satellite

This really isn't part of NASA, but it does have to do with space. Intelsat's Galaxy 15 communications satellite that went down in April of 2010 presumably because of an intense solar storm, is now back online and working. Once the backup battery died, it automatically rebooted itself (as designed) and started to accept connections/commands from Earth (Intelsat). Therefore, it is now a zombie satellite.

NASA must really have nothing to do these days

It's part two of an impromptu NASA day here at YNTE! Once they were done auctioning off everything they own, NASA scientists compiled lists of the most and least scientifically accurate science fiction movies. Which is good, because I can't enjoy a movie until a scientist tells me it could actually happen. Here are their lists:

Worst Sci-Fi Movies
1. 2012 (2009)
2. The Core (2003)
3. Armageddon (1998)
4. Volcano (1997)
5. Chain Reaction (1996)
6. The 6th Day (2000)
7. What the #$*! Do We Know? (2004)

Most Realistic Films
1. Gattaca (1997)
2. Contact (1997)
3. Metropolis (1927)
4. The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)
5. Woman in the Moon (1929)
6. The Thing from Another World (1951)
7. Jurassic Park (1993)

Seriously, do these guys even go to space anymore? Or is their entire job to just sit around and talk about movies? Because if so, I would like to be an astronaut!

via Moviefone

NASA Artifact Auction

From what I have seen, there is everything from flags and ID badges to parts off of space shuttles and old freeze dried food up for grabs at RR Auction.

You probably won't be able to justify the price tags on some of these historic items though. The cheapest items that I saw were starting at $100. Many were $400 - $500.

http://www.tgdaily.com/space-features/53290-slice-of-space-history-goes-under-the-hammer

Not how I planned to spend my evening.

Imagine this: you get an office chair at a rummage sale to use at your computer. One of the wheels doesn't roll particularly well, but since you plan on using it on carpet it doesn't bother you.

Months later you see something poking out of one of the wheels. at first I thought it was just some garbage you rolled over, but you look closer and see that in fact it is...

A USED CONDOM.

This happened to me today. I got to pry some stranger's condom out of my chair. It was very thoroughly stuck.

The craziest part is that I got this chair from a CHURCH rummage sale.

I Don't Know, I'm Not a Doctor: Introduction

Welcome to a brand new series here on YNTE! 2011 is already bringing new things!

Perhaps it was an article on SLOG where the writer admitted her shortcomings in the Nerd-Cred department and resolved to improve in one particular area.

Perhaps it was that Joel Watson has finally started watching Dr. Who.

Or perhaps it was that David Tennant just got engaged to the girl who played his daughter on the show.

But one way or another, I've had Doctor Who on the mind for the past few days, and I will be the first to admit that I have never seen an episode.

That is about to change.

Starting this weekend, I will watch Doctor Who, starting not with the current season, not with the David Tennant stuff people are so in to, not even at the 2005 relaunch. I'm going to start at the beginning: 1963. As I watch, I will update the site with my (characteristically snarky) reviews of the episodes. This will continue until I am caught up or lose interest entirely (probably the latter).

So stay tuned! First episode soon!

Who is driving?

OH MY GOD, CYBORG TURTLE IS DRIVING, HOW CAN THIS BE?


Shared by Rena the Rule Czar via BoingBoing.

Evan can't count

Evan, if you take a look at the December posts again, you'll see that I didn't actually fail. You seem to have missed the Christmas post and taken credit for it as your own. Even if my last post was questionable because I was drunk and trying to post from my phone on the last minute, and I was unable to enter any text whatsoever into the body of the message, I still got it in dammit.

Thus, you have made the "Matt Failed" statement in error.

Matt FAILED (edit: not really!)

I alluded to this last post, but Matt only had F O U R posts in December. As per my claim when I paid him in full as though he had made 5 posts, he now owes me 2 dollars or 2 pizzas.

I guess he and Tom were BOTH failures. TO AN EQUAL MAGNITUDE.

EDIT: I'm an idiot. I missed the Christmas post Matt made, and he caught my mistake before I did. Public shame is less fun when you shame yourself.

Matt you can still give me 2 dollars or two pizzas, but now it would be VOLUNTARY not mandatory.

The Gauntlet: 2011

2010 turned out to be our most successful year yet, with 161 posts. I think the gauntlet I threw down was the turning point. So I'm throwing it down AGAIN, slightly with slightly different rules to encourage participation on different fronts:

THE REWARDS:
$60: To Matt if he makes SIX posts a month. It turns out he can pull off 5 a month so I'm boosting the requirements, but also the reward.
$1 per post (up to $15): To Tom, Steve, or Umi - Whoever has the MOST posts out of the three.
$1 per post (up to $10): To Tom, Steve, or Umi - Whoever has the SECOND MOST posts out of the three.
$0: Third place
$10: Whoever posts the most comments.
$5: Rule Czar

Total amount Evan MAY be out: $100 dollars.

THE RULES FOR POSTS:
1) Blog posts must have content. As a bizarre humor blog which at times has a large emphasis on pictures or linking to other sites, the bar for "content" is very low. If a good faith effort is put forth to make a post, I'll almost certainly pass it. Posts with the "adsjfhpiouczvn;alerth" meme will probably count, but similar gibberish will probably fail. However, as I said, I'm incredibly lax, so as long as you're not trying to post gibberish to take my money, you should be fine.
1a) For Matt to receive the maximum of 60 dollars, he must create 6 posts that adhere to these rules. If he posts less than 6, his initial 60 dollars will be docked 2 dollars for every missed post. For example, if he only posts 2 times this month, he is short 4 posts. 4 posts short times 2 dollars = 8 dollar penalty, and the maximum Matt can earn is now 52 dollars.

2) Blog posts should be (somewhat) spread out throughout the month. I don't want the last day of the month to have a bunch of "oh crap" posts. Likewise, I don't want a bunch of posts on day 1 and the rest of the month nothing. Ideally there would be a somewhat steady stream of content coming out of here. But seeing as nobody is perfect, here's the rule: No more than 2 posts a day will count toward the required number for the month. You can post more than 2 per day if you want, go right ahead, but only two of them will count towards getting paid.

3) Be funny. I know a lot of the stuff we put here would not be considered funny by a great many people. That's not the point of this rule. Basically, YNTE is not your journal. People come here to be entertained, so keep it entertaining. It doesn't have to universally be the funniest thing in the world, but "I am eatin' a sandwich" or "I'm sad because nobody loves me" don't qualify. "I'm sad because my sandwich doesn't love me" MIGHT. Should you desire, you can totally have a livejournal elsewhere with said content, and I have no problem with that. Just keep it off here. Again, I'm pretty lax on this, so as long as the effort to produce comedy is set forward, it'll probably pass.

THE RULES FOR COMMENTS:
1) The comments money is up for grabs by ANYBODY (almost). Whoever posts the most comments this year gets it. This means writers and readers alike can snag this money. Don't have an account to post content here? Post comments instead! You could still earn some green.
1a) If a writer has the most comments, I will pay them. I know how to get in touch with them all.
1b) If a reader has the most comments, A post will be made glorifying them in January of next year. They will have one month from that post going up to get me their paypal information.
1c) If I (Evan) have the most comments, I have won. Nobody gets paid. I win the opportunity to not have to give you mooks my money.
1d) To maintain impartiality, the Rule Czar is ineligible to win this money. But this year, Rule Czaring is a paid position! The Rule Czar is encouraged to post comments anyway, though.

2) The rules for comments are pretty much the same as the rules for blogs.
2a) Comments must have content. No gibberish here either!
2b) Comments must be spaced out. You can't have two consecutive comments on the same post. If someone replies to your comment, you can comment again. Authors may not have the first comment on their own post, however replies to other comments on that post WILL count. If this is unclear, let me know and I will elaborate further
2c) Comments should be funny/relevant. Comments should relate to the original post.

3) Only comments on posts made in 2011 will count. No sneaking comments onto really old posts.

GENERAL RULES:
1) These rules can be expanded or clarified at any point. This is mainly to prevent unanticipated shenanigans. I won't use this just to be a dick.

2) Any disputes will be resolved by the Rule Czar. The Rule Czar has the final say on any rule infractions. It is the Rule Czar's job to be an impartial 3rd party in these procedings.

3) Don't be a dick. Sure, there's probably loopholes in these rules. Don't exploit them.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank our 2010 Rule Czar, Rena McNeal, for the excellent job she did being prepared to mediate our nonexistent disputes. Thanks for your service, now clean out your office, because it's 2011 now and we need a new rule czar.

Now I'd like to introduce the 2011 Rule Czar: Rena McNeal! She comes to this postition with 1 years experience Rule Czaring for a VERY successful blog, 26 years experience being a rational person, and 23 years experience calling me on my bullshit. Welcome!

All that out of the way, here's to 2011: the best year the blog will have ever had!